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Dave Seaman

Tuesday, 29 July 2014 in Q&A

Heard any good rumours lately?
There was one I heard about you lazy gits coming up with some new questions for this feature but alas, seems it was just idle gossip!

What’s the best night out you’ve ever had?
I  usually can’t remember the really good ones.

What’s your favourite club?
Leeds United FC

What’s your favourite record of all time?
Oh god there’s so many…. I quite like heaviest train pulled by a beard, although there is longest time breath held voluntarily, most tennis balls held in one hand, most watches eaten, and most times survived being struck by lightning!

What record can’t you stand?
Alex Ferguson’s 16 trophies in 18 years.

What record did you loose your virginity to?
It was either ‘ Doctor doctor’ by the Thompson Twins or Howard Jones ‘What is Love?’. I can’t quite remember, I was too busy concentrating. But I would like to thank Julie Hampshire for her patience.

What was the first record that you bought?
First single was ’We are the champions / we will rock you’ by Queen from Woolworth’s in 1977 for 49 pence. First album was Blondies ‘ Paralell lines’ and cost me my innocence. But that’s another story!

What was the last record that you bought?
Micatone ‘Plastic bags and magazines’

Name your three biggest influences?
Love, life and laughter! (Stock questions = stock answers)

What’s your poison?
Call me a purist but I don’t think you can beat good old fashioned arsnic

Who would play you in ‘Dave Seaman’  the movie?
Stelios Gianakopolis of Bolton wanderers. Not sure if he can act but he’s got the look.

What’s your dream?
I once had one where I pushed Paul Oakenfold out of a window that Danny Tenaglia was cleaning at the time and had to get some papparazi dwarves and Tall Paul to help me clean up the mess.

How do you escape?
Well, I offer to go to shop for one of the dwarves because he’s run out of film and Tall Paul needs 10 Bensons and a packet of Rizla. But when I get round the corner, I run like the clappers as fast as my little legs will carry me until I reach the end of the road where Sienna Miller’s waiting for me dressed as Baby Spice and we ride off into the sunset in a DB9.

What is your favourite possession?
I want to say my shining wit but always worry I’ll be struck by a bout of dyslexia and end up saying my whining shit. And let’s face it,  your own excrement is hardly the first thing you’d grab in a fire!

What’s your greatest passion other than music?
Oh, without doubt, filling in these questionnaires.

What / Who makes you laugh?
Eddie Izzard, Bill Hicks, Peter Kaye, people falling over, farting… you know, the usual.

When was the last time you committed a crime?
What is this anyway? 20 questions? Why don’t you get the spotlight on me and hook me up to a polygraph!

What is your life philosophy?
Try not to think too much. It’s the root of all of your problems and way overrated.

What is the best piece of advice that you have been given?
See above

What is in your pockets?
£47.53, my blackberry, some fluff and a few flakes of tobacco.

If you were an animal what animal would you be and why?
I quite like the idea of hibernating through the winter, so I’ll have to say a tortoise.

You are having a party whom, dead or alive is on the guest list?
Pete Doherty, Sienna Miller, Eddie Izzard, Jesus Christ, Paul Smith, Jack Bauer, Ant & Dec, Kate Moss, Pablo Escabar, Sean Ryder, Bob Marley, Jimmy Saville, Daft Punk, Mother Theresa, Abi Titmus, Ghandi, Crazy Legs, Elvis, Marilyn Monroe, E.T, Jim Morrison, Homer Simpson, Girls Aloud, Chris Moyles, Jenna Jamieson, John Lennon, Bill Hicks, Rod Hull & Emu, The Krankies, Robin Hood and Little John, Mary Whitehouse…..Ok
……before I carry on ,what’s the venue capacity ?

When was the last time that you embarrassed yourself?
Well I’m hardly proud of myself right now seeing as you mention it..

Tell us something that we don’t know about Dave Seaman?
My porn name is Brandy Winters (first pet and mother’s maiden name) and my Star Wars name is Ford Zoton (first car and last medication taken)

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