Dan Prince slating anyone worth slating
Model Jordan is planning to record Pavarotti’s 1990 World Cup song ‘Nessun Dorma’ for charity. Love, I’d rather stick ten pence in a charity tin than buy that crock of shit.
Ms Dynamite on Marco Pierre White’s Hell’s Kitchen… I’m sorry, it really isn’t a way to revive your career.
Our weird world returns… Lee Sun-Kyung scoffing 328 oysters in ten minutes to win an eating competition in New Orleans. Can you imagine the stench the following day?
Aren’t some men such saddoes. Gavin Read failed to win back his bird even after writing ‘I Love U Jodie’ in six foot letters on a hill in Lewes, East Sussex last week. What a nob jockey.
That Fertility Festival looked interesting over in Kawasaki in Japan last week – thousands of kids waving penis shaped objects in the air whilst dancing. Can’t see Creamfields or Global Gathering going for that.
Weird world number two. John Evans winning his 33rd world record by balancing a 30 foot tower of 200 pet food tins on his head. Do you think he’s single…?
Oh and fuck me, this arseole planning to skateboard 400 miles around Ireland for charity. Nice to be raising the money, but come on son…
Love the story about the bus driver getting the sack in Germany for running over a frog.
And also the footballer getting a yellow card by putting off an opponent by farting as he ran up to take up a penalty kick.
So here come’s another stupid poll conducted by some wank toiletries firm – apparently having lunch with pals is life’s top pleasure. Do I really need to add anything to this crock of shit?
Madonna and all this adopting African children. Yawn, yawn and yawn. Look forward to your OAP Bus Pass and move on,
Interested to see what Snoop Dogg’s remix of Country & Western superstar Johnny Cash sounds like…
Is it me or is Peaches Geldof really fucking sexy?
Graham Gold.
Bristol Superstar DJ and an utter rascal gets on his soap box
Stephen Hawking has recently contracted a virus, apparently his laptop has got it as well.
Thank fuck the rumours aren’t true that Radio 1 are to axe Chris Moyles. Firstly Radio 1 is sounding pretty shite at the moment. Secondly Chris is probably the funniest DJ the station has ever had. Thirdly, listen to the morons on local radio stations who would all like his job… scary heh?
Fat people have been blamed for Global Warming as they are a major cause of C02 gas emissions, so say the scientist. In other words fat fucks fart more. Over weight lazy lard buckets are more likely to drive adding to environmental damage and with parts of Britain being hotter than Ibiza this week, hats off to fatties everywhere. Michelle McMamouth, even Kerry Katona – go and have another pie, you know you want to.
People who drive Smart Cars stand back and take a good look at yourselves, yes you look like pricks. If I see someone in a Smart Car with the window wound down, I always go up to them and try to buy a newspaper.
Prince Charles is bringing a book out next year called Living With Nature, can’t wait for that one. He must be one of the few people in the UK who every morning can experience the feeling of being threatened by the Italian Mafia as he wakes up with what looks like a horses head on the pillow next to him.
Kids who have tantrums and scream in public – fuck off. No one likes you and if there wasn’t a law against it not only would you get a slap, but a shoe in the face and thrown through a fucking window, well…
I’m not racist, but get fucking pissed off when I phone up my bank to speak to them about an issue and end up sounding like Margery Daws from Little Britain…’again’ ‘sorry’ again’ ‘sorry’ ‘again’ ‘sorry’ ‘again’…. oh for fuck sake (hang phone up, drive to the fucking bank).
That ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ woman who is pig ugly and a bit weird, but has an amazing singing voice who has had over one hundred million hits on the Internet. I watched the clip that has made her famous and all I can say is thank God she didn’t get her fanny out.
Went into a Polish delicatessen yesterday and asked for some Mr Sheen in some pita bread.
Dan revealed above that having lunch with friends is life’s best little pleasure in that poll. Going to bed with freshly washed sheets came second, cuddling a lover came third. Having a wank didn’t even make the top ten. Weird.
A highly accurate Atomic clock which loses only one second every three million years will help measure distance between galaxies… thank god for that, I should now be able to sleep at night
David Beckham says his new goal is to beat Malaria? Fucking hell he kept that quiet, no wonder he’s not getting picked.
Al-Qaeda recruits are being given fitness tips from a dedicated web site to build strength for carrying weapons and equipment, but does it also help you with your bomb never looking fat in those jeans?
Two thugs nearly killed a family’s pet dog by giving it Ecstasy. Ten year old Trixie a Staffordshire Terrier suffered a severe reaction as her horrified owners looked on. They followed the dog to the Ministry of Sound were they saw it chewing gum and talking shit in the que before seeing it at a house party later pulling faces talking more shit hugging randoms and doing coke to level out.