Dan Prince kicks the shit out everyone…
Right, here’s another shit poll. Drivers in black cars are more likely to speed, those in purple cars are least likely. I mean, who the fuck has a purple car?
I love America. The story about the guy who cut out his dad’s pacemaker during a row in Iowa. Hilarious.
Then again, the UK is as bad. The young lady locked up in prison in Tyne and Wear for screaming too loud during having sex. I know a few girls like that.
Oh and talking about shagging, how fucking funny who were arrested having sex in a rubbish skip in Canada. Dirty buggers.
That new book ‘No Regrets : The Best, Worst & Most Shocking Tattoos Ever’ is well worth a read. Just to see the picture of the twathead with ‘STUPID’ plastered on his head. What a prick.
Another dick-head. The girl who faces GBH charges for biting off her mum’s finger after a pissed up night in Leubsdorf, Germany. Haven’t they heard of kebabs over there?
Then there was drunk Mae Wong having to be rescued by fireman after falling down a 30 foot well after mistaking it for a loo in Beijing, China. She must have one big arse.
I have said it before and I’ll say it again. Belgians are boring fuckers. Last week the world record for the longest ever toilet queue was broken in Brussels with 756 people forming a line. Now I’ve been in clubs where 756 people have formed a line to have a line, but that’s just stupid.
Another incredible poll – who thinks of these things. The most likely thing to be stolen by office workers is a toilet roll.
Nice of Scientist Dr Reinhold Hilbig to inform the world that fish DO get seasick. Bet he’s a blast at dinner parties.
Like the story about the FBI agents going to jail after using spy cameras to see girls undressing at a clothes shop in West Virginia – I have absolute no problem with that at all.
Girls Aloud beauty Cheryl Cole announcing she would love to have Beyonce’s body because she hates her own. So Cheryl, do you want a fat arse then?
The Bristol don Conroy tells us like it is…
Pig Flu is on the way to the UK, bet Kerry Katona is shitting herself.
Ten year old Hollie Steel who appeared on Britain’s got talent in a fucking ballet dress has branded Simon Cowell a cruel bully for nearly reducing her to tears on the show. She says he was wrong to poke fun at her Tutu and criticize her choice of song. Who the fuck does she think she is, fucking Kylie? I didn’t watch the show, but I can bet you one thing, she was fucking talentless. You’re 10 love, you should be in bed at that time on a Saturday not making a tit of yourself on national telly.
Did anyone else notice the irony on Sunday, dozens of Ethiopians and Kenyans racing through London knowing the winner would receive an empty silver plate?
I love normal everyday people like Brian Clough fan Richard Walker who visits the late football managers statue in Nottingham every Saturday to tell him the Forest and Derby results. Cuckoo Cuckoo Cuckoo.
Explosion at a pie factory in Huddersfield, 3,14159265 dead.
Good news for deaf people, Coleen fucking Nolan from Loose fucking Women is going to launch a new career as a solo singer. She’s forty fucking four and looks like a trifle with hair, what is she doing? I would rather shit on my hand and lick it clean than listen to anything with her singing on it.
I hear Stephan Hawking almost died recently when struck down with a virus… paramedics didn’t know whether to take him to hospital or fucking PC world. He finally achieved his first erection after they disabled his pop up blocker.
Les enfant el Le plume da la tabla ele nap pa pur – Gerard Depardieu 1984.
Mark Barrett from Southend spent more than £1,300 at a seaside arcade to win a £42 inch plasma TV worth £1,000, he said it took over two years, but was worth it in the end. What a total cock.
That bloke who used to play football Ian Wright, will try and turn a group of prisoners into real life mean machines in a new Sky TV show. What a fucking total waste of time, I would rather lie underneath a glass coffee table and watch Bruce Forsith take a dump on it than watch shit like this on the telly.
While there is ongoing poverty and starving children in third world countries, there is some good news.. Tesco have come up with a new variety of tomato that wont make a sandwich soggy. Just a quick bit of advice, if you dont want to make a sandwich soggy don’t put a tomato in it in the fucking first place.
Babies have got its sussed, when I’m out with my girlfriend, why can’t I start kicking up a fuss only for her to shut me up by letting me suck her tit?
Pubs who serve shit food, employ morons, charge too much and serve drinks in dirty glasses – fuck right off! You lazy fucks deserve to have your smelly dump shut down and turned into flats so stop blaming the credit crunch for your shit hole being empty.
Susan Boyle from Britain’s Got Talent looking fucking hot now she’s had her hair done… ding dong.