Dan Prince Just Stops And Stares…
Now I have been a journalist for many a year. Wrote about the Hong Kong changeover with dignitaries, interviewed Sasha off his rocker in a pool in Ibiza, interviewed Tony Humphries in a Portaloo at Disney World Paris whilst he was having a dump. So it riles me when you see articles in the paper telling us that “sales of seeds are at their highest for years as Brits dig in to beat the recession by growing more fruit and veg.” Yawn. Yawn. And fucking yawn again.
Richard & Judy’s Chloe smoking a bong and getting snapped by the press. If my parents were Richard & Judy I’d be injecting…
Is it me, or does Jennifer Aniston really do your tits in?
Millionaire footballer Wayne Rooney using a half price voucher to pay for his meal he took his wife Coleen at the weekend. Said it before, will say it again, wanker.
Here’s some surprising news. Kerry Katona is buying a second hand caravan in Wales. Jesus, didn’t see that one coming. And here’s me thinking she’s off to Hollywood.
You hear about, read about and see on the box about about people with too much money. So what about this roller-coaster nut who has just splashed £7200 for the front carriage of Alton Towers’ Corkscrew ride. This prick John Taylor is going to display it in his gardens. Do these people go to school?
The pub in Portsmouth who turned away two Royal Marines with proper i-d and then the next day got caught selling booze to a youngster. Love that.
Right, here’s a fucking weird one. Some loser in Welver, Germany got arrested at the weekend for disturbing ducks. Whilst skating naked. Do I need to go on?
16 people missing we hear after their plane fell in Brazil. Was this footballer commentator’s Alan Brazil’s mouth?
Then we have the guy who scooped £1.25 million pounds on The Lottery and then decided to start growing Cannabis. His parents must be so proud.
When and if I like to go to the press and talk about stuff, I want to walk away proud with my head held high. So Peter Stringfellow admitting in a red top that he likes “perform naked dance routines for girlfriend Bella Wright (27)”. Sorry but I am missing something here?
Bristol’s DJ King Let’s The World Know Who Is Number One…
‘Iron Like a Lion in Zion’… I bet If Bob Marley was still alive today he would regret smoking skunk through a bong then going in the studio.
Britany Spears has been suffering panic attacks as she prepares for her world tour… she obviously hasn’t seen a DVD of her performance on X-Factor, otherwise a) there would be no world tour and b) she would have killed herself by now to keep the fans happy.
The most similar planet to Earth found so far has been detected by scientists, It has been described as rocky and orbits the sun… now forgive me if I’m wrong as I’m not really into astrology, but what the twats are actually looking at is either the fucking moon or google earth.
Call me an old romantic if you must, but the initials of the words Valentines Day speak for themselves as far as I’m concerned… thats what I will point out to my girlfriend before I dump the fucking slag on Saturday.
Another TV ratings winner ‘Hole In The Ass’ with Dale Winton? With team captains George Michael and Will Young. Contestants have to get in position and dodge a massive moving arsehole or get shit on.
It has recently been revealed that taking Ecstasy is no more dangerous than horse riding. What an odd comparison?! All I know is that on a packed dance floor in a sweaty club on a Saturday, I would rather be dancing next to some gurning pleb in a T shirt than a guy riding a fucking horse…a fucking disaster waiting to happen, shit everywhere for a start and yes fucking dangerous, but on the plus side plenty of K on tap to calm it down.
Weirdly, people with beards will get free entry into Bristol Zoo this week in a celebration of the work of Charles Darwin. I don’t think the person who came up with this Idea realizes most of the local women will all get in for fuck all.
A driver who did two handbrake turns then hit a PC trying to arrest him walked free from court. Richard Hammond has been the same since he had that crash.
A fast food fan has eaten 10,000 Happy Meals and has created the biggest collection of McDonald’s memorabilia in the UK. He has spent 10 years visiting McDonalds across the UK collecting more than 7,000 items, including toys, boxes and posters. I bet you any money this fat fuck hasn’t got a girlfriend.
I bet Mickey Rourke wishes he had read the safety instructions on the box last November ‘never return to a lit firework’
Rihanna was allegedly beaten up by her boyfriend Chris Brown after local police were called to called to a roadside distubia in Los Angeles before this years Grammys. Rihanna who’s songs include ‘Take a Blow’ and ‘Please Don’t stop The Beating’ was visibly upset and shaken. An eye witness said he saw the couple rowing before Chris Brown went to the boot of the car and pulled out a weapon and hit her over the head with what appeared to be an umbrella ella ella.
‘Who let the dogs out? who who who who’… I think you will find that was the Spice Girls tour manager.