Dan Prince looks at the world and stick a couple of fingers up at it…
Snoop Dogg wants to appear in Coronation Street. Fuck me, this worldwide recession has hit us really hard.
I see Ronnie Wood is back in rehab. Next the newspapers will be telling us Wayne Rooney has a small cock.
Wonder how much Jordan paid for Alex to win Celebrity Big Brother?
Ex Coronation Street actress Bet Lynch, cute – yeah?
Michael Mancini up in Scotland got fined £60 and three penalty point for blowing his nose. Well, that’s just disgusting. What a pervert.
Amanda Holden, what a lovely arseole.
Man Utd footballer Rio Ferdinand. Can I leave it there? Check out the last word of the last sentence.
Hey, big up Public Enemy teaming up with London’s Royal Philharmonic Orchestra – bring it on.
My fucking back gate is broke. Any carpenters out there please give us a shout. It doesn’t half bang in the night. Unlike me.
Great new survey out this week – two and half million men in the UK that are living today, have paid for hookers. That’s vice.
Wrangler jeans have a new pair out for £17.49 in their sale if anyone is interested.
Interesting story revealing ‘Boys On Pot Aged 9’. I’m sorry sunshine, I was using the proper lav at three…
Conroy – The Weirdest Man In Folk Music Let’s Rip
There was me thinking I was shit hot in bed…just fucking found out my girlfriend has got Asthma.
A gang of mindless thugs branded the initials JT on a teenage boys face using a cigarette lighter. Police are hunting three white men aged 17-19 and are trying to find the whereabouts of singer Justin Timberlake.
Just had my first shave of 2010 and now the back of my leg’s won’t stop fucking bleeding.
‘Dancing On Wheels’ is the latest reality TV show to grace our screens – it’s a dancing competition for people in fucking wheelchairs, I kid you not. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not having a dig at the disabled, but come on, when the NHS dish out wheelchairs, bet they didn’t have reality TV dancing contest in mind – someone has to draw the line somewhere. What next ‘People With Missing Limbs On Ice’… oh I forgot, Heather Mills has already set that fucking ball rolling.
If you are overweight and struggle to get up the stairs, why don’t you try putting a biscuit on each step?
After the success of last year’s ‘Essen Seal’ perfume range. Pete Tong is to release his own brand of chocolates and Viagra tablets. A box of ‘Essential Selection’ milk chocolates and ‘Go On Pete Large It’ erection pills will go on sale at the start of next week, just in time for Valentines Day. Having trouble urinating? Look out for ‘Wee Continue’ tablets on sale in the Summer.
UFO hunters and Ghost spotters everywhere clean your fucking camera len’s first, then try producing ‘fascinating evidence’.
‘I’m A Celebrity’ winner Gino D’Acampo has been let off jail for eating a rat on telly… and there were us thinking he was gonna get ‘life’ or possibly hung. Boy George did a spot of bird and was made to clean the streets of New York armed with a brush and a bottle of Cilit Bang, and all he did was hold a rent boy hostage and beat him, where’s the harm in that? No one was eaten!
Simon Cowell is apparently annoyed that fellow X Factor judge Cheryl Cole is more popular than he is. He might have slightly bigger tits than she has, but I think a shit barbers haircut and the fags has possibly let him down this time.
‘I’m Marrying Jordan In Lust Vegas’ said the headline of this weeks Daily Star. Where the fuck is that, Soho?
Most people who join a gym get fed up within three months and give up, according to London scientists. Sorry, but it doesn’t take a fucking scientist to study the gym habits of fat fuckers. Surely all you need is a work experience girl with a clip board? I in the meantime have found a fucking great machine down my gym that I spend no more than ten minutes on three times a week, I feel a bit sick afterwards, but its worth it. It’s got Mini Cheddars, Snickers, cans of Coke – the lot and you don’t even have to get changed as it’s in the fucking reception.
The first 400 women to arrive at the Cuomo nightclub in Valencia were handed free vibrators. What the fuck were they thinking? ‘Here have one of these, the blokes are so ugly in this shit hole you might as well cut to the chase and use this fucker when you get back’?
A boy of 17 was killed by a mate as they ‘mucked about’ with a gun on a council estate. Neighbors called police as a shot rang out from one of the teen’s bedrooms. Armed officers dashed to the house in Huyton, Liverpool to find a dead boy with a bullet hole in his head. A neighbor said the boys were just mucking about when one of them got fatally shot in the head at point blank range…just like Hitler mucked about with some gas and guns 1939-1945 I bet.
A new trend to wear underwear is as ‘outerwear’ has boosted sales of see-through lingerie and nipple covers. Stars like Lady Ga Ga, Rihanna and Batman started the craze and now every fuckers at it. I’m even writing this with my girlfriends knickers on my face as she has just popped out to the shops.