Bristol superstar DJ Paul Conroy steps up to the plate with a spoonful of spite…
£57.8 fucking million donated to comic relief on Friday in the middle of a so called ‘credit crunch’ Where does all the money go? Always a year later they have still got Malaria. Do you reckon Lenny Henry just keeps all the money raised and hopes no one will notice and one day Dawn French will just burst and there will be cash, cheques and coins all over the shop? This year for the same charity a group of Celebs including radio funny man Chris Moyles, Gary Barlow from Take That, Cheryl Cole from Girls Aloud, Denise Van Outen climbed to the peak of Kilimanjaro and between them raised almost £2,000,000, but if you watched the so called trek on the telly last week very carefully you could tell it wasn’t a real mountain and the whole thing was filmed in a studio just like the 1969 Apollo Moon landing
“I saw an old lady getting a right kicking at a bus stop in Bristol last Friday, I would have stepped in and helped her but I wasn’t sure who started it.
Josef DJ Fritzl – the man who locked his daughter in a windowless dungeon for 24 years has been exposed as a monster by the British press this week. A charity record will be released to raise money for this poor girl, infact it will be a re-release of Brenda Russell’s ‘Piano In The Dark’ which also happens to be Stevie Wonder’s all time favorite tune.
Mild with sunny spells in most areas after a foggy start, cloudier in the North, but staying dry with a maximum temperature of 14 degrees Celcius this afternoon so do wrap up warm, oh and don’t forget the sun cream as you don’t want a spot of the old skin Cancer now do ya, ok it’s twelve fifteen that’s a quarter past the hour of twelve o’clock with music on the way from UB40 and a nineties chart topper who has recently been arrested for rape. Who is it? find out after the break’ – still can’t work out why Radio 1 turned me down?
Boxing legend Joe Calazaghe won a court battle on Monday with his former manager over money, why didn’t he just hit the tosser and save all that hassel?
Organizers have scrapped the annual carnival beauty pageant in Weymouth because it’s ‘sexist’. Talk about political correctness gone mad?! Its also a shame as last years winner had great tits and a lovely arse.
I walked past a beggar in London yesterday right by the Oxford Circus tube, I’m sure I saw him there last year, he said “any change mate”, I said not really I’ve still got a job a house and a car what about you?
Kerry Katona do us all a favor and fuck right off.
Teenage pregnancies are soaring in the UK because of the governments failure to provide school nurses says a survey. What a load of toss, teenage pregnancies are soaring in the UK because teenage girls are getting too much cock, end of.
Aren’t people who play snooker fucking boring bastards.
When does Michael Jackson know it’s time for bed? When the big hand touches the little hand.
The Owl and the pussycat went to sea,
In a beautiful pea-green boat,
They took some honey and plenty of money,
Wrapped up in a five pound note…
…proof Ketamine has been around for centuries.
I don’t know know about you, but I love a train. You can’t beat standing on a railway platform at 7.30am on a Sunday morning breathing in the spent Diesel, underlining train numbers in your special book, taking photographs of rare locomotives, exchanging a smile with fellow spotters and exposing yourself to passengers as one leaves the the station.”
Dan Prince gives it to everyone who deserves it…
Why are people such arseoles? Supermarket shelf stacker Chris Pratt (sic) from Newcastle has changed his name by Deed Poll to US actor Bruce Willis so he can have the Die Hard actor’s moniker on his work badge whilst stacking baked beans. Single mate?
The 10,000 girl riot at the auditions for America’s Next Top Model. Ladies, I’m not judging this year.
Girls Aloud’ Sarah Harding’s boyfriend DJ Tom Crane comments this week…”We really enjoy living out in the sticks putting our wellies on and going out for walks with our puppy.” It’s not exactly Rock n’ Roll is it?
Kerry Katona. Oh I shed a tear at the weekend reading about her losing £3m. Oh, maybe that was the onions I was chopping?
Okay. Here we go. Houses are getting burned down. Cats are stuck up trees. People are being washed down rivers. Planes are smashing into buildings. So how do we justify the firefighters in Alfreton, Derbyshire this week who were called on 999 by a women who had accidently sucked up a frog in her vacuum cleaner? Sorry, but…?
Football players and their cars. Twats. And people who do polls, get a FUCKING LIFE.
Great news that the organisers of the annual ‘Beauty Queen Pageant’ in Weymouth, Dorset have cancelled this year’s event because it’s “sexist”. No. No and no. It’s because Weymouth is full of dogs.
So the geezer who bought a copy of the first Superman comic book for £1 and just sold it for £225,000 at auction. Well it beats selling the Big Issue.
I don’t know about you but I hear some strange stories out and about. So the guy who told me about a bulldozer stolen in 1999 has just been found buried under a golf course in Texas sort of takes the biscuit.
Also the tale about the lady in Spokane, America who kept hearing weird noises in her living room and eventually got to the bottom of it. The previous owner’s cat was stuck inside the settee. Only, yet again, in the US.
How funny was the news that ex-Serbia striker Sanid Beganovic dropped dead in court after the judge ruled in his favour in his Divorce settlement? Love that.
Ashley Cole. D.I.C.K.H.E.A.D.
You know when you are having a bad day when you have the start to the morning when you hear about the story about Alison Brogden from Didcot in Oxfordshire who got out of bed, pulled on her jeans and found her son’s lost king snake Colis curled up inside her Levi’s.
And that rounds another week up in world craziness.