Harvey Nicks opening in Bristol this week. Wasted on them. They can’t speak properly, dance like morons, seem to live on a diet of Fish Fingers and take too much GHB when in discoland.
Fatboy Slim revealing he saw a dead body floating past him in the sea whilst swimming outside his Brighton home. Fingers crossed it was Graham Gold.
Spencer Parker’s new ‘Chiho’ release on Buzzin’ Fly Records. Yup, we’ll have that in the car CD player then.
People who wear Catterpillar Boots. Go take a walk off a really long pier and hey, don’t stop…
Radio One’s film reviewer James King. If he turned up at a dinner party I’d been invited to, I would leap out of a window regardless of what floor we were on.
Now, if I’m going to rob someone and then shoot them, it would have to involve grabbing at least a Rolex and wallet full of dosh. So the plonker who gunned someone down in Durham in the north of England for a guy’s bag of chips? What a complete moron.
The two women arrested at Gatwick Airport found to be sneaking through £175,000 of cocaine – in their wigs. Next time girls, stick it up your fannies.
The bloke who got £36 million from the judges from Dragons Den for his nylon invention. Oh just stop it.
This new Go Global world music night in Cardiff spinning “African, Latin, Balkan and Ska”. Right firstly, what the fucking hell is Balkan? And secondly, you are about to get the ugliest crowd in clubbing history. Fact. You are in Wales playing World Music.
Raves in bowling alleys. Big balls and little pills. Genius.
Madcon. Fuck me. World watch out.
Damien Hirst smashing records raking in £111 million at the auction of his freaky artworks. Why someone will pay £10.3 million for pickled animals and £9.5 million for a dead fish…I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever know.
The Glow nightclub in Thailand, October 11th with the legend that is Colin Hudd. As Derrick May told me on the blower the other night about this party,”Colin, was always my favourite DJ back in the day and what a great setting.
Weight Loss Patches. I’m sorry has the world gone fucking crazy? Get on a bike you lazy cunts.
Beatport’s new music promotion service PromoOne sharing underground electronic music with DJs. One of the leading digital download site’s for selling dance music and a superb pre-release promotional tool to complete the circle. DJs can choose which promo’s they want to receive and filter what they don’t making feeding-back a joy. Just check it out…
The new ‘Pophead’ night on Thursdays celebrating all things pop which is also is the warm up party for the ‘Guilty Pleasures’ madness once a month, brought to us by the flakey Sean Rowley and Bugged Out’s Johnno. Expect Haircut 100 to Hot Chip, Dexys to Das Pop and Cameo to Chromeo. 202 City Road, London is your venue party people…
R Kelly. “You can’t be found guilty of being innocent”. What on earth are you talking about?
The new Lego Madonna and Amy Winehouse figures. Giggle…
New book Celebrity Meltdowns showing pop up images of incidents such as Michael Jackson dangling his baby over the hotel balcony and Kate Moss inhaling er, something.
Sarah Harding from Girls Aloud. Oh just shut the fuck up.
World Snowboarding Champion and model Charlotte Dutton’s party duiring London Fashion Week. How the fuck I made it home from that I will never know. Chinawhite didn’t know what hit ’em when I turned up with Fat Martin in tow…And then onto Kate Middleton’s Day-Glo Midnight Disco party in Vauxhall where we boogied with Holly Branson and little Pippa Middleton. Wicked.
Training Day TV star Eva Mendes admitting she had sex in every single US State on a road trip with her boyfriend when she was younger. Now that is some serious driving skills whilst on the job…
The re-opening of London’s seminal Bar Rumba after last year’s closure. My one to grab is September 26th and the arrival of Shane Watcha’s always messy techno soiree ‘Zombies Ate My Brain’ alongside ‘Undead’ and ‘Playtime’ with deck groovers Mike Monday, Big Daddy, Nobody and of course the main man Watcha. And did I ever tell you about the big packet of pills I once found on these famous stairs…?
Lily Allen moaning, with slight weirdness, about her forthcoming album…”I always thought an album was a body of work in itself. You take it or leave it. You wouldn’t say to a painter ‘yeah I love the naked ladies but would you mind painting their hair blonde and make their tits bigger'”. Is it me or are the famous folk getting stranger by the day? I’d still slip her one though…