Paul Conroy, the funniest man to ever come out of Bristol – let’s rip…
Just been reading about the guy who recently got himself in trouble for getting a dog pissed on a couple of cans of Stella and Vodka, bit unfair really, I try that one every Saturday night.
How many hits has Amy Winehouse had? Fucking hundreds!
Emma Bunton is to front a campaign to get people to ditch white bread… racist bitch.
I bought my girlfriend a vibrator for Christmas, she’s so fucking ugly she has to get it pissed before it will come anywhere near her.
Celebrity Big Brother was on the telly once again to kick off the new year with well known housemates – some guy from shit boy-band A1, the fit bird from Liberty X, a female burns victim who’s a dead ringer for Michael Jackson, a fat gobby woman who used to be in Brookside, a dull as fuck Page 3 model, a chav from the Sugerbabes, a bloke from Manchester, a black man with a Bonsai tree growing on his head, a Scottish Bloke whose going bald and Cartman From South Park. If I was the show’s producer, I would slowly let gas in through the Air Con to up the fucking ratings… anyway some Swedish slut won it.
How about this for a TV ratings winner – Hole In The Bog Wall with Dale Winton.
‘Hickory Dickory Dock,
The mouse ran up the clock,
The clock struck one,
The mouse ran down,
Hickory Dickory Dock…’and we wonder why school teachers get stabbed…
Gordon fucking Ramsey take a fucking chill pill… it’s only a bit of dinner not World War fucking three, oh and your pig ugly face could do with an iron..
Apparently Primark have been accused of employing firms that use slave labour in sweatshops, what a fucking sweat shop? I’ve never in my life felt the need to buy sweat, especially from a fucking a shop.
A new superclub opens in Liverpool in March ‘The Ministry Of Sound As A Pound’
Why doesn’t the Credit Crunch just fuck off… Woolworths closing down ‘Credit Crunch’ – Banks and Building Society’s merge ‘Credit Crunch’ – Girl gets raped in nightclub bogs ‘Credit Crunch’… and why does the name given to a global economic downturn end up sounding like a fucking breakfast cereal.
Just seen the script for ‘The Windsors’ a new 1970’s style sitcom starring the Royal Family, here’s an excerpt from the opening script of the first series…
“William: oi oi snowflake.”
Harry: “Oi fucking oi Brov.”
William: “Got cunted off one’s tiny box last night, you should have come to the party, the DJ was fucking awesome.’
Harry: “Fucking Awesome.. never heard of him?”
William: “Dont be such a ginger cock!”
Harry: “Who are you talking about then blud?”
William: “Judge Jewels” (audience laughs)
Harry: “Bally heck – I didn’t know that gramaphone playing ras fucking clat was in town…I here he plays some serious bombs.”
William: “One thinks he is terribly sick.”
William: “Anyway whitey what is one doing this afternoon?”
Harry: “Oh not much really, just chilling out, got some of my dear friends coming round later for afternoon drinkies, a smoke a few ciggys, a few beers and some crazy high jinks.”
William: “What about Charlie?”
Harry: “Haven’t got any, but got plenty of pills and some K.”
William: “I meant Father!” (audience laughs)
Dan Prince takes the piss out of anyone who has made a dick of themselves…
Virgin Media. Now here’s a company at the cutting edge of things, so why the fuck do they come out with quotes telling us “dogs are big fans of soap rows, real life cop series and science shows.” – and now they are launching a telly show for the canine world. I tell you, if Richard Branson ever plays the post-it ‘guess who I am’ sticker game, his name would be Mr Twat.
Anorexia. Never met her but she’s always in the news recently hasn’t she?
This story that this breed of Jellyfish called Turritopiss Nutricula can turn back into a baby and re-invent itself and live forever. What a boring life they must have. Sting a few swimmers, blob about, get run over by Jet-Ski’s and look invisible. Great.
Now at one time in our lives we all wonder hmm, wouldn’t it be funny to get your name in The Guiness Book of Records. I’ve considered Being The Only Person In Graham Gold’s Fan Club, Being The Only Person To Shit On The Dancefloor At A Cher Concert… but these dudes who have just created a two tonne cheesecake in Mexico… well that just takes the biscuit.
Is it me, or did everyone think actress June Whitfield was dead?
So the geezer who died from burns when starting a barbecue in January with a lighter, wearing a shell suit. I need not to go on…
I like the story of the prick (no double prick) who pick pocketed a lady’s bag in Germany, taking her loose change and car keys but missing an envelope including £10,000 in it.
The nob who has just finished a University degree in Somerset, after 22 years. What a wonderful, heart fulfilling life he must have had. Cock.
Paris Hilton’s claim’s that she has only had sex with two men. Now I know those beds in America are huge so I know that’s a fib.
Lily Allen – “I am not having sex in 2009 because I don’t want bad sex”. Nor do we love. That’s why you’re single.
Okay, you have £13,000 in your bank lying handy. Now me personally would think a new Plasma TV, trip to Barbados, shopping spree at Selfridges? So this cunt in Wales who has just wedged out this amount to buy a public toilet for himself really needs to have a real good look at himself.
Oh, and this new Chinese government project opening public toilets… for dogs. What a pile of ??
