DMC’s Dan Prince Sits on the loo and let’s rip…
So the weirdness begins. The lady who came home from the shops and found her husband having sex with their Collie dog. The couple, in their forties, are weirdly now divorcing. Strange that.
Hollywood actress coming out with bollocks such as this: “I am so baffled why people are interested in me, it’s so weird, even my Norman get’s recognised. But I’ve told him – no more Oprah appearances. “Right let’s start this week’s column with the biggest, most dilluded shithead in the world who really has to take a really, really, really good look in the mirror.
This whole Jordan/Peter Andre saga. I am more interested in putting my bin bags out for collection.
A nine foot Boa Conscrictor snake has been reported missing in Essex. Shall I give ’em Jordan’s number?
Peaches Geldof – am I the only bloke who fancies her? (Er yes… Ed)
See Boy George is getting out of the nick early next week. I don’t think HE should have been handcuffed in the first place.
I like a lovely holiday. A nice beach, turquoise sea, a bit of Lobster for tea. So this boat in the Caribbean with 2000 swingers on board having it off? Nah.
Amy Winehouse booed off stage in St Lucia, couldn’t remember her own records after having a drink in the sun for six hours. Is anyone ever going to have a word with the UK’s most priceless vocal talent and help her? It’s such, such a shame.
UK Hip Hop chart star DJ Ironik, who goes out with model Faye – this is a bloke nominated for a MOBO… they kicked off their romance in a Travel Lodge as he didn’t dare take her home. As Faye says…”I ended up in his room with two bottles of wine, I felt like I was teaching him a few tricks in bed, and he never took his shoes off.” Priceless.
The news that six porn stars got arrested for getting their kit off in a car park in Germany. I’m sorry but have blokes gone barmy?
When I was a kid, I often I used to often think about ways of getting in The Guinness Book of World Records. So this stupid bitch Eileen Edusah from East London who has slotted in there by somehow naming a a big sewer boriing machine ‘Theodore The Borer’ after her mum… I will never never know.
The Bristol Superstar DJ says how it is…
“Madonna has said she is saddened to hear of Peter Andre and Jordan’s marriage break up. She also wants first refusal on Harvey if neither of them want him…
Britain has now shot up to the top of the world rankings for shoplifting. About time we as a country, won something – so congratulations everybody, keep up the good work. I have never tea leaved from a shop but on reflection, I feel I have let my fucking country down.
I love this. A dad trying to find a prostitute to lose his 14 year old son’s virginity and was caught out by an undercover policewoman. The dad was a Dr Iiving round the red light district in Nottingham with his son in the passenger seat and got caught kerb-crawling.
How good was the Radio 1 big weekend in Swindon last weekend, fucking brilliant from start to finish.
58 year old Bob Petrella from Los Angeles boasted when he lost his mobile phone that it wasn’t a problem as due to his amazing memory he could recall all the numbers and info of every friend and colleagues, what a fucking boring arsehole, This is the sort of prick you don’t want sitting next to you on the fucking train.
I know there are rumours going round that Britney Spears is up the duff again, but I also know this is just press speculation and without a doubt can’t be true because A) she said she was on the pill and B) both times I came in her mouth.
Danny Dyer said he would rather stab himself in the eye than take part in a TV reality show, what a twat. If I was given the choice I would opt for the reality show every fucking time, but watching Danny Dyer stab himself in the eye on telly would be a definite ratings winner.
I’m looking forward to Ibiza this year. You can’t beat it, wearing brand new gleaming white trainers and an England footy shirt with my name on the back, getting on the Easy Jet flight with all my mates tanked up from the airport bar, winding up the air hostess on the plane calling her babe and pinching her arse every time she walks past, getting the coach to San Antonio, draping a flag over the hotel balcony on arrival, going on the piss in the west end, hitting a strip club, getting burnt right up, having a fight, shagging a slut from a council estate, buying shit drugs, saying grassy ass to waitresses, dancing to R&B, watching only fools and horses in the hotel bar all day while playing pool, and best of all, having a full English breakfast for 3 fucking Euros, come on!
What the fuck is Jamie Oliver doing? Over the last couple of years he has managed to fuck off school kids up and down the country by making them eat shit for dinner and now he is trying to do the same in America. Everybody is fat in America, even babies are given double cheeseburger and fries with their mothers tit milk and this daft moron is trying to make the nation eat fucking rabbit food. Someone needs to sit him down and tell him to fuck off.
I think Phil Mitchell is drinking again.
Boy George is looking a lot slimmer say the papers after serving four months of a fifteen month sentence at Edmunds Hill Prison in Suffolk. What do you fucking expect, bet he thought it was fucking Christmas when he had his first shower in that place.
