Due to not wanting deportation thanks to Dubai’s incredibly harsh laws, our man in Dubai, an ex-record industry A & R man and Editor of one of our better music magazines, he doesn’t want to be named….
So, an Irish guy who packed his bags and moved to the sun where getting a drink can sometimes be as difficult as getting into Kelly Brook’s knickers. Why the move to the Far East?
Why Dubai? It’s a land of opportunity, a well coined cliché, but if you have any semblance of a brain whatsoever, you can do well here. It’s tax free, pretty stable (financially and politically – touch wood) and the standard of living is great. Why pay 40 percent tax and wake up to pissing rain every day? Oh, and we get every single live footie game on the box. Game on.”
What is the clubbing situation out there like?
“Pretty dull. If you like fluffly trance you’ll love it. Dutch and German trance, DJ’s are popular. Any aspiring DJ’s from the UK thinking of relocating to here can simply put a ‘Van’ in the middle of their names and they’ll get booked. There are a few OK nights. Alpha for example caters for across the board tastes – deep house some nights, mash up the next. The guys at Infusion Magazine throw some cool parties. Also, you have to bear in mind where we are and what is not allowed (zero tolerance) therefore most clubbers are fuelled by Vodka & Redbull. Atmosphere wise it doesn’t come close to what happens elsewhere around the dance world”
So if I want a cold beer in 110 degrees heat, what do I do?
“Open your fridge door or go to the pub in one of many hotels. Alternatively, get yourself a booze license which is easy to obtain – then go to one of the many outlets to get your grog (unless you are Muslim, in which case it’s a no no).
What is the music that people that the cooler people are digging?
“Arabic Gabba!… Deep House, Funk, a smattering of breaks – same as you lot really, well except for the Gabba…”.
So, The Palm, Jumeirah and The Palm, Jebel Ali – three palm shaped islands, man made off the coast of the city which has increased Dubai’s shoreline by 120km creating residential (2500 beachside villas and 2400 shoreline apartments), 50 luxury hotels, water theme parks, restuarants, cinemas etc etc. – some would say it is ruining the environment, some would say it’s great for Dubai, some would say it’s an eyesore… what is your take on it and what the f••k is it like?
“Well if you include The World, so that’s four. Pretty fascinating to see and a mental feat of engineering. Damage has been done for sure, only time will tell. The Atlantis Hotel is open now with a f••k off waterpark and Kylie playing live there in a couple of weeks. Al Qaeda have threatened to bomb it, should make for a great party.”
Best places to go shopping?
“Any of the multitude of malls, Dubai Mall set to open tomorrow which will be the biggest in the world apparently. You can shop and ski at the Mall of The Emirates.”
What do you make of the whole Grooverider situation and that poor guy who got banged up when found with a rolled up ciggy on the bottom of his shoe?
“I think he was majorly unlucky, a simple human error – and I feel for him. But as I said earlier, Zero Tolerance, unless your name is Dallas Austin of course. Lots of horror stories over here, be smart.”
How strict is out there?
“Behave yourself and you’ll be grand, take the mickey, and you’ll be learning Arabic, Russsian and Farsi in no time from your new, long term (cell) mates. Brits and Irish have been out here a long time, show some dignity and respect, and you’ll be treated well.”
Best thing (apart from the weather) about living in Dubai?
“Tax free, cheap petrol, good mix of people, lots of opportunities.”
Worst thing?
“The way poorer people are treated – Pakistanis, Indians and Philipinos are treated like dirt with shit wages and awful living conditions. That disgusts me. Traffic is a f••king joke as well.”
Is it an expensive place to live?
“Yes, rent is ridiculous, overpriced and you have to pay by cheque – how 80’s?”
Best hotels?
“Shit loads, take your pick. Raffles is dope, as is The Address – a newbie near to the new Burj Dubai building, it has an awesome Infinity Pool and amazing bar that is 40 floors up.”
What do you miss about the UK and Ireland?
“My family, mates, greasy kebabs, Channel 4 and White Hart Lane – even during these bleak days.”
If you kissed your girlfriend in the street in broad daylight, would you get arrested?
“Probably not, but you have to be careful and respectful to local Islamic traditions. Dancing around on the street with a can of larger singing “Millwall, Millwall” is likely to guarantee you an exclusive spot at Dubai’s finest police hotel… all expenses paid.”
If you wanted to escape Dubai for a weekend, where nearbye would you go?
“Oman, top place, great history, friendly locals, lots to see and do, and f••king stunning. Beirut in Lebanon is awesome as well, when they are not blowing each other up – great nightlife and stunning girls…”
Which British DJs come out to play?
“All the usual suspects – Tong, Digweed, Jules…”
