Dan Prince Gets It Off His Chest
The people who live in the village of Ashby St Ledgers calling for a clampdown on doggers who use local land their for gay sex. Well that’s my Saturday night fucked then. Thank fuck for X-Factor.
David Hasselhoff. God. Why?
…The story regarding the drunk dude who couldn’t find his way home so decided to sleep in a wheely bin. Then got crushed to death in a waste lorry the next morning because the bin-men didn’t spot him. What a way to go.
Never been to Sweden, always wanted to go for obvious reasons. That was until I heard about police finding three goats tethered to a cooker in the kitchen of a pizza restaurant in Tidaholm waiting to be killed and served up on a platter for diners.
Another stupid poll. Three quarters of Brits are happier now than a year ago. Yeah I can see that. A huge recession going on, a crap government and an even worse party waiting in the background, Strictly Come Dancing still on the telly, another shit Summer weather wise we’ve had, knife culture everywhere, Jordan on the front covers of newspapers all the time, unemployment sky high – I for one, am over the fucking moon.
So a couple got married for £51 after winning the whole shebang on eBay. Mate, that’s £51 down the drain – she is a right fucking minger.
I bet footballer Frank Lampard has a right tiny sausage.
Courtney Love telling her pals she is down to to her last £75 and set to be kicked out onto the streets. So why are you living in one of the best hotel’s world in the world – The Mercer in New York?
I went to the MTV Awards years back and ended up partying in a Limo with Robbie Williams. He jumped out and legged it after a while, I thought to myself god I must be boring. Nice then to see that this week he admitted to the press that at that party, he was on the stimulant drug Ephedrine. Thank fuck for that. I thought my conversation about The Theory Of Evolution was right up a Stoke On Trent kid’s street.
Pity the poor bloke in Saudi Arabia who went on a TV show and boasted about how many bonks he has had in his life. Yeah, he got arrested straight after the show, was given 1000 cracks by a whip by police and is now serving five years in jail. I love foreign culture.
Soap stars. They are such an inspiration to our childhood aren’t they?
Katy Perry about her new relationship with Russell Brand – “I am in love – in love in a K-hole.” Love, The Hacienda. 1989. That was a fucking K hole.
Great one. The surfer who was found dead on his board after being missing for 24 hours out at sea. Apparently the surfing community according to police “are very upset”. Is this down to his death or the clothes they wear?
Russell Brand and Katie Perry – the odds in my house, are two weeks.
The West Country Hearthrob Has Another Peaceful Week…
Following his death in Spain friends have been paying tribute to the former BoyZone singer. Ronan Keating say’s he’s gutted. Louis Walsh said he is devastated and Michael Barrymore say’s he’s innocent.
Hyde Park in London is to play host to a charity concert next Summer by the one and only Gary Glitter, Peado In The Park will take place in June if it gets the go ahead.
‘How Not To Run A Club’ is the latest book charting the rise and fall of the iconic dance club The Hacienda in Manchester. The warts and all book written by Captain Hook’s son Peter Hook tells you how to fuck a club up and lose shit loads of wonga in the process whist off your tits on Coke and Pills. In the Shops at fucking £18.99 it should be called ‘How To Not Sell A Shit Book For A Fucking Stupid Price.’
A G B N – That’s BANG out of order.
Guys, to prove once and for all that a dog is a man’s best friend try this experiment. Lock your dog and your girlfriend in the boot of the car for one hour. When the time is up and you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?
Went to see a musical at the weekend about a girl with diarrhea who gets raped by eight men in the back of an old car, it was called called ‘Pretty Shitty Gang Bang’.
The X-Factor judging panel should be re-named ‘Botox Behind A Desk.”You are what the show is all about” Louis Walsh says to every fucking contestant every fucking week out the side of his wonky Irish mouth. And if what I saw on the show at the weekend is the best the UK can come up with, then I would rather go on youtube and watch ‘Sale Of The Century’ with Nicolas Parsons than Candy Fucking Rain and their fat legs making a desperate attempt at to be somebody’s. Off the show, one of them is meant to be a poll dancer, I bet she dances during the ‘off peak’ sessions at the club she works at. Pass me a bucket.
‘I wanna do the migraine skank
Lemme see the migraine skank
Two hands on your head thats the migraine skank’
– Those lyrics have been stuck in my head all week and have given me a right fucking headache.
Advert on the telly promoting the album ‘101 Running Songs’ – songs to run to, and most of them are shit songs you can find on most compilations anyway. And why 101? Why not 100? It’s songs, not fucking Dalmatians so what are they playing at. And when will it all stop? What next – ‘101 Fucking Songs’ – not songs to fuck to, but 101 songs with a swear word in the title. I’m looking forward to ‘101 TwattyCunty Songs’ on CD, followed up by ‘101 Shitting Songs’ – songs to shit to.
I would rather watch my mum and dad shagging than watch a painful shitty England football team play crap football against some foreign side with a stupid name like Kaalfalakeia. For no TV channel to even wanna broadcast their game last week, speaks fucking volumes. Then if we were stupid enough to watch it on your laptop to top it all, the cunts lost.
