Dan Prince Tells Us How It Is…
Survey of the week. American women are the world’s best lovers, more adventurous and energetic. Followed by the Italians, Swedish and French. Dudes, you should check out the birds up in Newcastle. Boy can they fly.
I really fancy Simon Cowell. And Keith Chegwin.
People who carry umbrellas around when it’s sunny. Errm…?
What’s this uproar about The Government Chief Adviser claiming that booze and fags are more dangerous than taking Ecstasy? Drink and ciggies are 100% more dangerous than a silly £1 pill. Good on you son.
Solicitor Denzil Gunner ate 33 mince pies in ten minutes to win a grand in Somerset last week. Imagine the under-the-duvet farts that night.
Parents must be so proud of that 17 year old girl in Somalia. Marrying a guy who’s 100 year old.
I like a good nosh up. Nice bit of steak, Sushi, Tuna or a big Pizza for dinner. Hmm. Quite can’t really get my head around the lady from Holland who has just had an operation who is obsessed with eating cutlery and having 78 forks and spoons removed from her tummy. Love, KFC is just down the road.
The Sun Newspaper : “Eastenders without Babs will be like pie without mash”. No, Eastenders without Babs will still be shit.
So Peter Andre was distraught after discovering Jordan had secretly sold his beloved dogs. How can a woman sell herself?
I love the UK court system. A woman chased down the M4 for 30 miles in a stolen car at 100MPH who was a drug addict and was finally stopped by cops smashing into her and found her sitting slopped in the driving seat with a syringe hanging out of her arm, walked free from court after saying she was “remorseful.” Go on the Brits.
Oh dear. Thieves cut off half a mile of underground phone line, disconnecting 800 numbers in Berwick, East Sussex last week. So what? Who has friends in Berwick?
The Bristol Belter Shows His Balls Again…
Wasn’t Halloween fun this year? Trick or treating can be very effective, better than Christmas Day in my opinion. Only after a couple of hours, come back with a hat stand, a nice leather jacket, some CDs, an iPhone, shit loads of of jewelry, a garden gnome, some credit cards, a dog and a silver 3 series BMW. Brilliant.
What do a 9v Battery and a women’s asshole have in common?
You know it’s wrong, but sooner or later your going to touch it with your tongue.
Look – what happened to Johnny Alan (Ruby’s dad in Eastenders) on TV telling us if we ever had an an accident at work or at home – and it wasn’t our fault, we would get 100% compensation, Don’t trust that cunt, he’ll want 80% of that compensation or you will have a fucking accident at home.
Rihanna has spoken for the first time about being attacked by Chris Brown. She said that’s the last time she let’s the bastard drink cider from the barrel.
I’ve just been comparing Meerkats and to be honest, they both look the fucking same to me – apart from one of them has a cock.
Let’s hope the twins win X Factor – and if they do win and you didn’t vote for them, lets also hope they personally come round your house and piss on your telly. And what the fuck was Cheryl Cole wearing on Saturday? Sort it out love, you looked like a desert in a shit Italian restaurant.
Hello to the dick who asked me which football team I support, when I told him I don’t watch football he said, ‘are you a poof or something?’ Don’t see the logic there mate, it’s not me who loves watching 22 fit young men chase each other round in their shorts every fucking weekend.
Turned on the TV the other lunchtime and fuck me I thought I was having a 1990’s Blind Date flashback, Cilla Black on the left talking to three slappers on the right, then realized she was just guest hosting on Loose Women.
Sean Murphy of Michigan stuffed 16 live cockroaches into his mouth to claim a record. I strongly suggest he also looks up the word ‘Twat’ in the dictionary.
Drugs adviser Professor David Nutt has had to stand down as Chairman of the Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs after Home Secretary Alan Johnson said he had ‘lost confidence’ in his ability to give Impartial advice. All he said was that ecstasy and LSD were less harmful than alcohol and cigarettes, especially if you plan on putting them up your arse.
Britain’s most expensive rail ticket has been revealed. The first-class return from Cornwall to Scotland costs a fucking grand! Thats £250 more than a round the world flight via Australia, New Zealand, Thailand and Dubai. A spokesman said the fare would only be £561 if bought it in advance. Oh good, thats a fucking relief, but I think I would rather travel to Scotland clinging to to the underside of a lorry, apart from costing fuck all, I would probably get there quicker.
The Kings Of Leon are launching their own clothing range…What the fuck for? They look like they have all just fallen out a moving train and climbed back up the embankment….
