Dan Prince takes the piss out off anyone he can think of… for no reason at all.
Corrie actor Craig smashed on booze up near Lake Windermere after coming off Crack. I’m sorry, but I really don’t see the problem here.
And nor do I see the issue with the South African Airways crew getting into trouble for trying to smuggle (allegedly) £250,000 of coke into Heathrow. Well I have said it before and I will say it again, those in-flight films and music are shit and they have to keep the passengers happy somehow.
This world just gets madder. Two bollards have shaped like children have been put outside a school in Derby to stop parents parking outside the gates. What about a fucking big Rottweiler?
Mini sacking 850 people with one hour’s notice. Good. Those little dinky cars just get in the way out on the roads…
Mickey Rourke, great, brilliant new film… but what an awful mustache.
Ex-British Prime Minister being paid $1 million Dollars for his work as a peacemaker by an Israeli think tank this week. Yeah, great work Tony, gonna hand that to the families who you got involved in wars we should never have been involved in? And your suits are shit.
All this UFO shit. It’s bollocks and we all know it.
Peaches Geldof’s tattoos all over her body. Yup, but we still would….
The Lottery results in the Sunday papers. We are NOT interested.
Fearne Cotton and Cheryl Cole getting in REAL shape to climb up Kilimanjaro next week… fuck me, imagine climbing up one of the biggest mountain’s right behind them…
The stalker arrested outside Celine Dion’s house. Oh leave Stevie Wonder alone…
London’s City Airport – has anyone actually flown from this place that may as well be Southend?
The number of Brits getting wed at sea has shot up 64% over the last two years. Hmmm, maybe because the whole of the country is flooded all of the fucking time?
The hotel room door smashed down by concerned people down the corridor in Sweden thinking some poor girl was getting raped, to find an Opera singer practicing in the bath.
Now I have been a journalist a good number of years – and it makes my blood boil when I watch the news on the telly and am told that Kate Winslet’s mum is set to take part at an onion pickling contest in Reading.
The Council in Blackpool who are going to look into why the town’s illuminations are running £500,000 into the red every winter. Right, here are a few starters. Nobody likes the fucking things so nobody comes to look at them anymore you dozy old sods and aren’t spending money in your town. The days of big multi thousand pound illuminated reindeers are long gone. And finally, maybe it’s because most of the money you are losing is being spent on boozy lunches down the local pubs by every councilor in Blackpool. Just a thought.
The Guiness Book of Records – how shit is it? Last weekend some twats in Mexico set a new record, 39,897 all kissing at the same time. Brilliant. I am raising my glass for world peace as we speak…
Conroy lets loose…
According to a new survey, three out of every two people in the UK are shit at Maths.
Shocking news has revealed that a 13 year old girl has recently had a baby with a 15 year old boy… why a baby would take part in a threesome is beyond me?
Just been reading here Elvis Presley is the pop idol most fans would love to meet… that can easily be arranged, just give me fans names. a discription, an address and leave the money in a brown envolope PO Box 2240.
Swearing and sex on TV have increased by a huge amount in just four years say TV watchdogs. Now firstly it’s about fucking time because most fucking TV is so fucking dull I would rather put my sofa infront of the fucking microwave and watch a potato go round. Secondly what type of job discription is a fucking watchdog? bunch of cunts.
Giant 90 year old Tortoise, Biggie was intoduced to his new 15 year old mate yesterday in the hope they will breed at Bristol Zoo Gardens… great news Im gonna be heading up there to video the fucking filthy bastards and put it on the internet or sell it to Gary Glitter.
Christine Aguilera’s Dirty music video has topped a poll of the sexiest female video of all time… have to disagee on this one, we’ve had a vote in the office and most reckon its Milf Nympho Shower Sluts followed by Will Young’s Leave Right Now DVD.
Baa baa black sheep, have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full,
One for the master, one for the dame,
And one for the little boy who lives down the lane….
would that wool by any chance be £40 a gram Mr black Sheep?!
Mohamed Al Fayed said he was the victim of a smear campaign after being cleared of a sex assault on a girl of 15. Al Fayed who is 76 and whos real name is Paul Gadd will not face charges for forcibly french kissing the teenager… he said she clearly looks 16 and she came on to him the dirty little slut.
Adolf Hitler was forever breaking wind during meals top secret papers revealed recently. Whats top secret about that?! Don’t think the man famous for gassing people would hide something like that from the history books, but then again I can’t imagine that during his reign he would put a dinner guest in a headlock then pin them on the floor and let one rip in their face? surely he would have just had dinner then put them on a train like everyone else.
Televised coke fest The Brits this week, I was going to write about it, but then I quickly realised that if I wanted to watch a bunch of desperate egos get off their tits I would go sit in a VIP lounge, If I realise that why can’t the fucking organisers… another line anyone?
A rare 1888 football league programme of a Stoke City v’s Notts County match could fetch up to £10,000 at auction. What twat is going to buy that? I would rather spend my money on a whore and give her the fucking change.
