NOPE !
Bungee jumping, roller-skating nightclubs, sleeping dogs that fart, cyclists who wear orange helmets, the Welsh accent, Western films, Strictly Come Dancing, air stewardesses, Mick Hucknall, pricks who buy green cars, school reunions where girls you once fancied who now look like a big brick of shit, Graham Gold, people who use telescopes, girls who go out clubbing and still think wearing angel wings is either sexy, cute or funny – no, no and no. Anyone called Brian, couples who still insist on a Gin and Tonic when they get home from work, sideburns, staff who have to sell Christmas decorations in places like Harrods ALL year long, hearing about heroin junkies mixing their drugs with Jif Lemon for a bigger hit – what the fuck?, the punch up at a certain ‘legal sounding’ DJs villa in Ibiza last weekend between two Leeds promoter’s who have established their own great, great night over the years…and now they are talking about stopping the night and splitting the partnership over their feud – fucking hilarious. Bus drivers, getting in from a club at 5am off your titters and letting your girlfriend choose something to put on the telly – and she puts the film ‘Hostel’ on, people with club feet – so why can’t you dance?, these fucking shit bingo channels on TV – I would rather watch re-runs of Timmy Mallet hitting himself with a hammer (the cunt), violin players (get a life – especially Nigel Kennedy), University Freshers Week and having to drive through town and see kids dressed as giant turtles and bumble bees, people who have Terrapins as pets, Javine getting arrested for leaving awful messages on her ex-manager’s phone – just grow up, admitting your hobby is Badminton, arseoles obsessed with cartoons like The Simpsons and South Park (my hand is curled up and going up and down as I write this by the way), having a bobble hat, this weekend’s Tidy 15 Weekender – oh fuck, the casualties that are gonna be crawllng stretchered out of Pontins on Monday, going for a piss in a certain north London pub and seeing you’re standing next to Jude Law – and just so having to take a peek at his pecker (weeny), Denmark – in general – and did I mention Graham Gold?
DOPE !
Azuli’s Ibiza Space Annual – Dirty South, Deadmaus, The Shapeshifters, Laidback Luke, David Guetta and a whole lot more. Makes you want to book your flights for 2009 NOW. ‘So Blond presents FF!’ in Paris on October 11th. A newie on the French scene that I have a feeling may be one to watch. DJ Nif, a live show from Mercedes and co-hosted by one the cutest promoter’s I have ever met. Circus’s 6th Birthday in Liverpool last Saturday with Yousef, Eric Prydz, Josh Wink, Steve Lawler, James Zabiela and Luciano – what a miserable comedown drive down the M6 home the next afternoon – but what a fucking night. Grooverider at Koko, London October 11th. He’s back. New Pacino and De Niro flick ‘Righteous Kill’, ‘Icon’ in Ibiza – you’ve got to hand it to Charlie Chester and Chris Vaux – their company now lay on VIP and concierge hospitality services, boats, VIP tables, villas, a private jet, cars, apartments and soon to come to us, Icon Turkey, Icon Germany, Icon Dubai and Icon London. Not bad from a lad I once had a conversation with whilst he sat on a table off doodle with a lampshade on his head. Olympic high jumper Blanka Vlasic. Oh my god, what a lovely…the great ‘Wax:On’ night at Leeds University on October 27th with Annie Mac, Boys Noize, the Scratch Perverts and Chromeo live, the forthcoming ‘Al Green Live in ’72’ DVD coming out in November – wonderful, Leona Lewis – all us boys would jump at the chance of tugging her knickers down and November 3rd sees the release of her new tune ‘Forgive Me’ – killer hooks written and produced by Akon, Pendulum and Iglu & Hartley live at ‘Ibiza Rocks’ this summer – still sending shivers down my spine and I believe the new Prodigy for the festival world. Underworld announcing special guests Rob Da Bank, Autokratz and MC Beardyman at their November 1st London Brixton gig. Some stunning stuff.
