Diss Off…
Rick Astley up for the Best Artist Of All Time at the MTV Europe Awards in November. I was going to attend – not any f*cking more. I had to interview this loser at a club in Uxbridge once – I vowed the next time I would encounter him would be when he had six feet of earth, earwigs and worms covering him. Graham Gold. People who keep snakes as pets – can you please explain what enjoyment you get out of doing this please? Guys who spend their weekends in the Territorial Army – go and play with the big boys if you’re serious about guns, killing people and looking after your country – or continue going back to your estate agent desks on Monday morning and bragging about putting a pellet in a tree – we don’t really care. The Welsh. Alton Towers closing their Corkscrew ride down – good, I was more frightened when I recently looked back at some of the pictures of my ex-girlfriends – especially the one from Stoke-on-Trent. Anyone who lives in Kidderminster. Clubbers who go up to DJs and ask for autographs whilst they’re spinning. Railway ticket inspectors – wankers. Anyone called Keith. Getting e-mails sent to me about new bras coming out – I have no men boobs here sunshine. The Mobo Awards next Wednesday in London – more bling than a king, but what a bunch of tossers. People who skip or do press ups in the park in full view of everyone. Moustaches. Couples who dress in identical clothes. Dick-heads who go into a pub and order a cup of tea – why not just stay at home? OJ Simpson facing dying in jail – justice finally done. Pierce Brosnnam narrating the new Thomas The Tank film – from jumping out of planes to talking about a steam engine, now that’s plain weird. Slinky @ The Portsmouth & South-sea Festival – cancelled this weekend – oh what a shame. Graham Gold.
Get In My Son…
New London, Shoreditch venue Cube (free to get into people!) – just for the fucking dancefloor! Couple of goodies up at Birmingham’s Gods Kitchen coming up, October 25th with their Pimps & Whores party starring Sharam from Deep Dish, Sander Kleinenberg, The Freestylers, Micky Slim and Funkagenda plus November 22nd with the one and only Paul Van Dyk. Basement Jaxx hitting the road in February – yes I’ll have some of that please. D:REAM playing live in Manchester at Moho live on November 20th – just so funny I may actually go. The Audio Bully’s new ‘Flickery Vision’ track from their hugely anticipated third album ‘Sunday Night Fever’ – well it got me dancing round the kitchen like a two year old.
