Dan Prince takes to the stage…
See Britain’s Got Talent started with a boom, early favourite is the ballet dancing dog Chadi. Simon has already said he wants a dog to win. Shame Amy Winehouse didn’t enter this year.
See that men with droning monotone voices have the most sex. Now that explains why Joe Pasqual never gets it, but I can’t imagine for one second Margaret Meldrew lifting her knickers every time Victor Meldrew wanted a bash of her bush. Can you?
Looking forward to the boyzone tour next year.
So 140, 000 arrived back in Britain on Wednesday, probably as many as illegal immigrants drifted in the same day.
Fathers can be great. This dude was given some old mobile phones by his daughters for some extra pocket which he sold for £150, bought ’em both a guinea pig each and fucked off down the pub. Sort of liking his style…
Leanardo Dicaprio had a problem whilst using nicotine patches. “I had blood curling nightmares of mass-murders and had to wake myself up and tear them off”. Now you know how we feel watching your films and begging the person sitting next to us to shoot us.
My favourite story of the week is the one about the dead guy whose corpse was discovered by a council official underneath a settee. His body had been there 10 years. Maybe one of Leonardo’s film’s came on and he just hid under the settee? You never know.
Yes funny death stories are everywhere this week, a motor-way official found a corpse up on M1 under a bush, it had been there 2 years. Well we hate fucking hitchhikers don’t we, give ’em a small nudge when you’re on a quite stretch and watch ’em tumble.
And then there’s the family in China who were convinced their dad, 70, had been murdered so kept his body in the freezer, which was strangely in the middle of the lounge. I’ve a telly in the garage they can have.
Over in the US this week, a Michael Jackson impersonator this week has been charged with child sex abuse. That’s just silly, well how you can charge a corpse? Fair play to the guy for taking his impersonation of Jacko to such a level though.
Best bit of good news I heard this week that X Factor weirdos Jedwood have lost their voices on tour in Ireland. Sorry, am I missing something here. Shouldn’t that read ‘Jedwood have lost their invoices’. Well surely their hairdresser must be feeling a bit sorry for what he did to them by now.
Front page of one of the red top newspapers this week – ‘Prince Harry blows £10K on Fizz in 4 hours. Harry, there’s better looking birds in Coronation Street than her dude.
