Dan Prince shoots from a Trip…
Fuck me. Front page of The Sun on Wednesday – “Dad in quiz on Sasha murder”. Blimey, didn’t read that in Mixmag.
Isn’t model/author/TV host Jordan beautiful in the papers recently?”
I love a hobby. My interests include underwater swimming, ping pong and Scrabble. But I take my hat off to Maria Taviano, her husband and three daughters who have just spent a year visiting 52 zoos and 22,000 miles across America. Dinner parties – the Taviano family – great people to have around a wake to cheer people up when a laugh could be a heartsend – can’t quite see them quite fitting in to that description.
Which brings us to Audrey and Kez Bowman who have been feeding a baby crow on scraps of bacon and eggs to help it live happily in their garden after nesting. Okay, here are two suggestions – a gun and a cannon.
Great new survey out. Men apparently love big curvy bums. Just done a bit of research on this one, Stevie Wonder, Ray Charles, Louis Braille and Norse God Odin, were the only people interviewed.
This boy at the age of 11 who has admitted to not missing a day of school – EVER. What a boring cunt.
That guy who went walkabout in Australia and survived after two weeks that is selling newspapers. Who the fuck thinks maybe, shit – let’s go for a walk on my own in 100 degrees heat on my own, no friends, mobile phone, food or water and come back looking like I have had a real jolly up?
Now I loved Michael Jackson. ‘Off The Wall – tears down my cheeks every time, ‘Billie Jean’ the groove of all time, ‘Thriller’ – the best video ever? But please, you dickheads sitting in your offices with no inspiration or ideas to sell papers, get a grip. The guy is dead. Tell us a) some good news b) what actually happened by finding the facts or…c) retire.
I love The Met Office. They really look after us tax payers. Here we are, nobody can pay a sausage for a Summer Holiday, so we are looking at the UK for a quick break… and these pricks tell us to visit places like Combe Saint Nicholas in Cornwall. Is this the same Combe Saint Nicholas in Cornwall that was just infested by two million ladybirds at the weekend? Hmm.
Ozzy Osbourne’s pet dog ‘Little Bit’ I see was eaten by a coyote last week. Jesus. I thought his wife Sharon was a veggie.
Paul Conroy Let’s Rip With The Wit…
A teenager nicknamed ‘Monkey Boy’ by his mates was electrocuted when he climbed a 100ft electricity pylon near his home in Rotherham, South Yorks. Apparently his parents went ape when they found out.
“Last week Dan asked the question can anyone name one of this year’s Big Brother contestants? Can you? Now then lets see, there’s that bloke who looks like Jesus gone wrong – Sea Bass I think he’s called. Then there’s the fit bird with the tits called Shag Face. Some bloke who might be called Dave with a pony tail who looks like a murderer, and oh yeah there’s a lesbian with boys hair and an annoying Brummy accent, she’s called Sheila I think? So the answer to the question is yes I can. I could go on and name some more, but I won’t as I don’t want to make this paragraph more boring than the fucking show itself.”
What do the government know? Fuck all is the answer to that. Knives, guns, drugs, Jimmy Saville, immigration, terrorism, hospitals, schools, Dave Lee Travis, disease, teenagers, the underworld all out of fucking control. They have no real idea at all. Could Gordon Brown name just one of the housemates in this years Big Brother? Could he fuck. We would be far better off in my opinion if this country was run by someone who has their finger on the pulse of modern society – like Boy George.
Yet again more British soldiers copped it last week. See Boy George got it right way before anyone else releasing ‘War’ – “War is Stupid, and people are stupid” – I rest my case. That was 1982 and no fucker payed a blind bit of notice…
Has anyone else noticed Dyslexia is an anagram of Zebra?
My Ex girlfriend cried for hours last time we had sex. Mace can be fucking tricky to use sometimes.
Good to see the late Jade Goody’s husband Jack Tweed is keeping things low key.
Love the story of Gerle Kittler who was enjoying a nap on the sofa at his home in Germany. For a laugh his mates wheeled him to a station and stuck him on a train and he woke up on a platform in the village of Warngau miles from anywhere…wasn’t even his stag night.
Police were this week accused of PC madness after three officers spent a day on the beat dressed as Muslim women. Guys, if you wanna dress up as a woman do it at home when your wife is out or save it for a fancy fucking dress party – and also think about this, how the fuck can I take you seriously when you pull me in for a faulty brake light dressed head to toe in a fucking burkha, you might as well drive a pink car dressed up as Mr Blobby and do a little dance in front of my bonnet.
The tin can topped a poll of the five greatest kitchen gadgets ever, ahead of the stove, electric kettle, flask and electric toaster. Don’t know about you, but I am well gutted because I had my money on the Belling Classic Double 90 Twin Hob Cooker with optional fan oven which as we all know was a fucking sick kitchen appliance in it’s day.
Isn’t it about time we had a hose pipe ban in the UK? It was sunny this morning.
A team at Reading University have worked out using a mathematical equation that if you run rather than walk in a downpour you won’t get as wet, wouldn’t It be nice to see this Reading university team to do the same experiment in practical terms substituting the rain for piss?
