Dan Prince rocks on Tommy…
Whitney Houston “I lived in my pyjamas for seven years” came the shout last week from her. Now a caravan I could maybe do, even my dad’s garden shed with a gas fire…but a pair of Marks and Spencer’s baggies – nah sorry love, there must be a good B&B near bye…
Kanye West, another fuck up at the awards last week dude. Jay-Z, dude, you got it so, so right with this on going battle. What a plonker.
Big headline in the newspapers – ‘girl aged three made to smoke a cigarette’. Blimey, what took her so long?
Did you see the photo of that whale that ended up beached and dying on a sandbank on the River Thames? I really, really loved my ex.
I love good antique. Got some great crackers in my house. Including my girlfriend. So this ‘oldest Panama hat in the world’ on auction sale for a minimum of £60,000? Couple of thoughts, Panama hats are shit and £60,000 could be put to better uses – including charity. Arseoles.
Brits can now pay $350 to visit Alcatraz Prison and then swim back to shore. Sorry. I would rather eat Wheetabix covered in donkey shit and save me $350.
One in five women have had a sexual encounter with an alien, a new Russian poll has revealed. Well I didn’t think Russian men were that ugly.
Why do celebrity mystics like Mystic Meg never win The Lottery?
I got off with my dad last night.
US actor Charlie Sheen has had a go at the US government claiming they were behind the 9/11 atrocity. Oh Charlie, another film script will come along soon, stop seeking publicity.
Love the story about that ‘disturbed’ young gentleman who rushed into the ITN studios and stabbed himself in the stomach in front of the ‘model’ Jordan last week. Mate. You could have had a better aim.
Another survey. ‘A typical Twitter user is a girl whose daily musings are read by between 20 and 50 pals’. Oh sorry. And there was I thinking that ‘a typical Twitter’ user is some sad coot who can’t be arsed to pick up the phone, get a life and oh…stop wasting your bosses money when being on the fucking computer wasting your life away instead of working. Silly me.
Bristol DJ God Paul Conroy Gets a few things off his boobs…
Keith Floyd’s funeral on Monday. He’s being cremated…gas mark 7 for 45 minutes.
People who live in Preston – fuck off. Anyone who lives in Birmingham, go eat some shit. Anyone called Pixie Lott, suck my balls. People who use those little brown bins to put food waste in, morons. Coldplay, shut the fuck up. Ugly women who think it’s ok to breast feed in public, no it’s fucking not. Anyone who is detoxing, dumb….and, um, any dogs called Lassie, go fuck yourselves.
‘I’ve put on my shoe and I’m ready for the weekend’ – Heather Mills 2009
A hero pilot who saved 151 people on a stricken jet is on the dole because he has the crash on his CV. I’m sorry, but what was he fucking thinking when he was putting his CV together? This man was commended for avoiding a huge disaster when his Boeing 777’s engines failed two miles short of the runway at Heathrow. That’s all well and good Mr Hero Pilot Man, but don’t put ‘I crashed a Jumbo Jet in my last job’ down on your CV if you want another fucking job flying people around you silly cunt.
Pensioner Tom Dunn marked his 101st Birthday by playing electric guitar with the cast of ‘That’ll Be The Day’ at Bournmouth’s Pavilion Theatre, glad I missed that one – fuck me you can you imagine the pain of sitting through that?
Chaz and Dave have split up after 36 years together…they kept that quiet, I never knew they were married!
The number of tourists visiting the UK increased massively during the Summer says another shit survey. What the survey failed to mention is many of these tourists were smuggled over in lorries and haven’t fucking bothered going home.
I know the famous person who allegedly raped a certain super model – Bobby Davro.
What’s the difference between a Kangaroo and a Kangaroot?.. Ones a Marsupial and the other is a Geordie stuck in a lift.
Carlisle City Centre was evacuated yesterday, because someone had abandoned a holdall with an an alarm clock ticking in it…one way to liven up a boring shithole.
So Annie Mac takes over the Friday 7pm slot on Radio 1 moving Pete Tong to 9pm. Two things – Number 1 – Yes It is a good move to keep things fresh and move with the times as Pete Tong has been presenting The Essential Selection during this time slot since the show began just before the war in 1938. And apart from when she tries too hard, Annie Mac is the perfect choice to kick off the weekend on the UK’s biggest Radio Station bringing a new style, good mix of upbeat tunes etc…for those of us who grew up with Friday night Tongy we are going to miss the big man at 7pm, including his shows from Cafe Mambo in Ibiza and The Miami Music Conference – The catch phrases – ‘We Continue’ – ‘Go On Pete.. Larrrge it’ – and the one that made the dictionary ‘It’s All Gone Pete Tong’ which means ‘I like Hedgehogs’ or something….and let’s be honest, the weekend has started by 9pm so we won’t all be tuning in every week. Number 2 – Won’t be long before the BBC move Pete Tong to Radio 2 cos that’s where most of the old Radio 1 DJ’s end up. Now that will be Interesting. 7pm Friday night live from the Tower Ballroom in Blackpool ‘The Dance Music Selection’ with Peter Tong… and on the ones and twos in the mix tonight Sacha Distel, and Saturdays on the TV ‘Strictly Tong Dancing’ – move over Bruce Forsyth ‘who got da power, Pete Tong got da Power’.
