Paul Conroy Opens His Cheeks And Let’s One Rip
A woman in Bristol has kicked up a stink after being kicked off a bus for breast feeding a baby. Let’s clear this up 1.) No one want’s to see your disgusting saggy tit flopped out on a bus. 2.) Don’t harp on about it being ‘natural’ because so is shitting, but most people will find a toilet to do this and rarely will you see someone get their fat arse out and take a dump in front of commuters. 3) Feed the little fucker at home before you come out.
Skinny Girls Aloud singer Nicola Roberts has hit back at critics of her tiny frame. She insists her body shape is natural and she hasn’t developed a self harming eating disorder because she has only just found out she is actually ugly and ginger, but who can blame her if she did.
‘I’m gonna fight fight fight fight fight for this love’ Cheryl Cole sings in that shitty record she made and what does she do… she dumps her fucking bloke! So who’s this love she’s fighting for? Ashley Cole is better off without this two timing cheating bitch if you ask me.
Tesco has become the first supermarket to sell clothing made from recycled fabric after unveiling it’s budget F&F range. It’s a bit like a cheap version of D&G probably using old clothes, empty cornflake packets, bin liners and washing up bottles, making George at Asda look like fucking Prada. F&F stands for fuck & fuck which is the probable verbal reaction you will get from anybody when seen dressed in this shit.
Lady Ga Ga has urged girls to follow her lead and stay celibate rather than sleeping around. Miss Ga Ga said it was important to know your partners before jumping into bed with them…that way they will be less alarmed when they find out you have a cock.
Thought you had a good Saturday night? A pissed up man in Blackburn had to be cut free by firemen after getting his head stuck in his back door. I love Absinth.
Went to see Avatar on Sunday. Either it’s a badly produced film or my bastard eyesight is going? The whole movie from beginning to end was blurred and even the audience at the cinema were pretty dammed disgusted as I witnessed many handing in their glasses on the way out which the staff were collecting in buckets… now what does that tell you?
A 100 year old Colliery brass band from Yorkshire has signed a £1million deal with Universal Records. There first album titled ‘Fucking On Pills & Coke’ will be released early next year.’
So Peter Andre’s mysterious girl (see what I did there?) turns out to be topless model Mandy Ford. Says she now fears she is the most hated woman in Britain. No you’re not love, no one actually gives a flying fuck, but Peter will be releasing a self penned song about his fling simply called ‘Slut’.
Did you know that sausage roll, toad in the hole, Profiterole, lump of coal, Chelsea goal and Tyne Bridge toll all rhyme with Cheryl Cole?
Dan Prince Tells Everyone To Fuck Off
I hate having a shit and turning round to see no toilet paper on the holder.
This John Terry and Wayne Bridge fued. Get over it lads. You earn half a million pounds a month. You need your head’s banging together. She wasn’t a looker anyway. I wouldn’t piss on her if she was on fire.
That Kevin Geraghty-Shewan dude who was stopped by a security guard at a shopping centre train ride for taking a photo of his son, he claimed it was because he thought the guard thought he was a paedophile. No mate. He was doing you a favour. He was saving a few hundred quid ‘cos taking a picture of your ugly son would have cracked your lens.
Feel a bit sorry for the woman who was upset after getting arrested for flossing her teeth by coppers whilst driving her car at 70mph. Love, I’ve had a wank on the motorway driving at 70mph, get over it. My dry cleaners did.
A new poll has found out that half of married men with four or more kids have strayed. Strayed? I’d be on the first plane to Ibiza.
X-Factor is great. Love the way they really get behind their winners. Steve Brookstein who won in 2004 played at The Caradon Inn in Cornwall to 50 people on Saturday who paid £2.50 to get in. You don’t mess with the Cowell.
Oh and on the subject of X-Factor, I see Dannii Minogue who is now pregnant has announced she won’t be able to make the auditions this year. Times must be hard, you wouldn’t have got through anyway.
So I’m getting married later this year. Thinking of moving to Merthyr Tydfil in South Wales where a vicar is trying to pull in people by serving beer at his church. That sounds like a plan.
Whilst I’m drifting in and out sleep in the middle of the night I sometimes hear my girlfriend let off the odd fart, I don’t mind really. But I do feel sorry for the wife of chef Mike Coleman who is going to eat 10LBS of sprouts for charity at his pub in Crew, Cheshire. Get a gas mask love.
