Dan Prince vs West Country Radio DJ Paul Conroy.
First up, Paul slates the world…
Can I say a big thanks to the person who handed my bag in at the Mall Shopping Centre on Thursday October 16th. It just goes to prove there are some honest people out there, even though all my cards, wallet, mobile and car keys were missing and someone had taken a shit in it. Moving on and I don’t know about you, but I’m really looking forward to the long awaited release of the new Gary Glitter album ‘Peeda of the Gang” out on December 1st – the first single from it ”Don’t tell your Mum” will be released the following week on Our Little Secret Records. What’s black, got 100 legs and goes woof? Weston Super Mare Pier. I was down there recently and I must say it’s looking the best I’ve ever seen it – like a burnt out box of f*cking matches. And get this, some twat has come up with a new Somerset version of the board game Monopoly! What the f*ck next? Trivial Pursuit for Dolphins cos they are so clever?!! This new version of Monopoly has a picture of Weston Pier on the box (I kid you not). The game is the same as the normal version, but features Somerset landmarks instead of London ones, so now you can relax at home in the company of your straw chewing friends and purchase Stonehenge for a tenner whilst swigging cider from a plastic bottle with a sheeps head in it – anyone for underwater Trivial Pursuit? Don’t you think Edith Bowmen on Radio One is a must listen? She is so f*cking funny and her voice is so sexy… she never makes you feel like putting a CD on and vow never to listen to the radio during the daytime again. DJ Tiesto has revealed this week he not only wears a pair of Clogs signed by Timo Mass to gigs, he also collects Cuckoo Clocks and has more than 6,000 of the ornate pieces of wank displayed on shelves at his lockup in Bethnal Green in East London. American superstar DJ Roger Sanchez has been admitted to a top US clinic because he can’t stop eating Nivea. He admitted he has had a fondness for this particular brand of a sun cream. And according to mens fitness mag Mens Cocks, double dropping pills is good for getting the old heart racing before a disco – do this no more than twice a week and you’ll be well on your way to a six 6 pack on a park bench, apparently. “
Dan Prince let’s rip…
The Four Tops singer Levi Stubbs popping off upstairs into the clouds – oh well, another one bites the dust. Guy Ritchie – has he just been having a laugh all this time? Footballer Paul Gascoigne, what a f*cking drunk plonker. I went to The MOBO’S on Wednesday, have to say, Estelle was fabulous and after supping champagne with her, I decided, yup I would. How much of a nobhead is Ashley Cole? Strictly Come Dancing – what the f*ck is all that about? Model/TV presenter Jordan’s new career horse riding – I’m sorry, but sometimes I think I am on permanent LSD when I see things like this. These student doctors who have come up with the idea to save people dying of heart failure by timing their CPR with the beats of the Bee Gees tune ‘Stayin’ Alive’ – well that makes me sleep easy. Not. People who dress their dogs in clothes. Dubai – I just don’t get this f*cking ridiculous place – it’s terrible. Stumbling around Soho Square in London late at night and asking a random passer the time – and then being told by your mate you’d just spoken to Seal. Prince Harry and Prince William motorbiking across Africa – yawwwwwwnn, I don’t give a flying f*ck – nobody does. Journalists who you overhear in bars showing off they work for The Daily Star… boys and girls, it’s like writing for The Beano. This prick in Hawaii who has taught his two pet rats to surf – I take it you are single then? Jonathon Ross admitting he was a virgin at 17, no words needed here then. Agony Aunt columns in newspapers – all made up yeah? Ballet dancers… just wrong. People who go on cruise – sorry get on a beach or walk around a beautiful city – cruises are for people who are ready to die or watch game shows in the audience. All this Blue Peter Anniversary cobblers, whoever trashed the garden years ago, I will quite readily buy you dinner. Richard Madeley, something weird going on there. Radio One’s Nihal, someone you would quite readily piss down the back of when he wasn’t looking in a club toilet. The husband who killed his wife after discovering she had said she was single on Facebook – how funny? The Posh Vodka Party on Thursday hosted by Elton John with people like Eva Herzigova and Theo Fennell in aid of the AIDS Foundation down in Bloomsbury – oh I do like to put a suit on. Girls Aloud… you are just too thin. But I would bang you all – except the ginger one. Sad sods who scratch their arses in public. House owners who have already draped their plots in Christmas decorations with big Santa’s and reindeers outside their houses – have you heard of the expression GET A F*CKING LIFE? Taxi drivers with BO. People in posh restaurants who eat pigeon – yo, these birds eat anything… Magpie shit, dog shit, baby vomit… what a bunch of losers – the diners and the rats with wings. Monday mornings. People who learn to drive steam trains for a hobby or those borrow books from libraries. Circus perfomers who can make giraffes out of balloons – when you are at school and you are asked what you want to with you are life by your your teachers, would bending a red balloon into the shape of an African Mammal’s leg, be up there alongside being the Prime Minister of England or Centre Forward for Manchester United? Nope. Jazz music enthusiasts – you are not trendy, not cool and wear ridiculous clothes that are usually orange or yellow. The current ‘Best British Variety Show’ featuring the lies of Paul Daniels, Frank Casron, The Krankies and Cannon & Ball – I would rather spend an evening watching my dad shit. High Street store Argos – full of cocks queuing up and they sell such rubbish. Country Ramblers – imagine getting stuck in a lift with one of them. Graham Gold.
