The new Nokia ‘Come With Music’ phones. Well that’s one Christmas present sorted then. Oh and whilst we’re here, shops already full of crimbo decorations and other festive sh*t.
This sudden craze in Providence, Rhode Island, America where bands are playing gigs in libraries and church basements. Now listen. These places are meant for reading and praying – you fools.
Jennifer Lopez inspired by The Olympics and now in training to take part in a triathlon to raise money for a children’s charity. The world just gets weirder by the day.
Stevie Wonder live. And you were ace on Jonathon Ross. But us at the DMC office just wanted old Rossy to ask you the question, “how come as one of the two most famous child music superstars, how come you turned out to be such a cool dude and Wacko is allegedly up to nonsense with kids?”
Janet Jackson’s new lingerie range ‘Pleasure Principle’. Lady, we’ve seen your nipples and I wouldn’t buy my girlfriend something that you would put yours in. Uggh.
Britney Spears. I would now let you back into my bedroom. Even if you did think Japan was in Africa. And as for Holly Willoughby? Well let’s just say Fearne Cotton has now got some serious competition.
Danni Minogue bonking her way around the world. Try and keep your knickers on love for a few minutes…
All these f*cking weird fake American people taking on the identity of pop stars. I want a pint of whatever these losers are on. Avril Lavigne, Rihanna, Grace Jones, Slick Rick, Slash and Jackson Browne – watch out buddies, there are stalkers out there changing their names to match yours. The US is full of absolute crackpots…
Dougie Fresh. Thank you for an amazing show when I was Stateside a couple of days ago…
Estelle. One word. One adjective. Stupendous.
Keane’s new ‘Perfect Symmetry’ album out on October 13th. Love it. Oh, and the new Kings Of Leon, The Streets and Coldplay long players rock too…
The city of New Orleans. Wouldn’t you just move?
The new film ‘Taken’. Belting and edge of your seat stuff.
This baggy jeans fashion sh*t is just getting a bit dull now. Go and get a belt you wankers.
The new Gucci perfume for girls. Oh, when does it ever end for my credit card?
Cheeky little club promoters trying to rip off your own club brand. Ha ha. Not in this house boys. See you in court.
All these space travel holidays. I would rather go to Butlins to watch Norman Wisdom in Bognor-on-Regis and take Ketamine with Eddie The Eagle than risk my life up there eating shit and pooing into silver bags…
Arseoles who have diamonds implanted onto their teeth. Well, that’ll look good when you’re getting your bus pass and playing bingo when you’re 70.
