Friday August 15th
Twilo – Pacha, London
(fifteen quid ’til dawn with fancy frocks and ironed shirts necessary)

One of New York’s best ever superclubs’ makes it’s second appearance at Pacha UK, bringing us their US house feel with a balearic, Latino house feel. I lost the plot at this gaff on numerous occasions over The Atlantic and know I they know their shit. My favourite Twilo weekend? The time someone decided to jump off the roof ensuing cops n’wraps everywhere, my dad putting washing up liquid in his washing machine by mistake and ensuring a living room full of foam suds, John Digweed and Sasha simply taking it musically to the next level and me finally getting it on with Juliet. Back down in Victoria London, it’s DJs Steve Smart, Shuey Aurora and Mickey C joined by let’s say a, er, special New York guest. Take a trip down to sarf London for what will be a brilliant razzle on the dazzle. And have a nice day.

The Gallery – Ministry of Sound, London
(10.30-7am and they’ll take twelve pounds out of your pocket)

The Gallery moving to SE1’s most famous after the closure of Turnmills has been somewhat of a revelation. Great promoters and a great venue that must have welcomed such cool kids with some top line ups. This Friday though it’s extra special; X-Press  – ready to make us all jump around like loonies for six hours at their album launch party, the Union crew host the Baby Box whilst the maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasive Faith boys rip it up in The Bar with Pete Heller, Terry Farley, Stuart Patterson, Dave Jarvis and Chris Linnell. God, a word in your shell like. When you created the cross-channel ferry, Marmite and the Kagool you were having an off day. The day you created Acid House, you rocked pal.

Banus, Weymouth (£5 10-4am)

Now here is a blast from the past. The last time I ventured to Weymouth I missed a boat to Jersey for a night out with Yousef having to spend a weekend watching Norman Wisdom in panto and listening to old codgers talking about crop circles and the price of Bitter in shit pubs. Banus is really making news down in the South West these days, Trevor Nelson and The Tidy Boys are coming down, but this Friday it’s Portishead’s Andy Smith who’ll be supplying the grooves. And what a great admission price for you all… you know he will have a fantastic musical set.

Saturday August 16th
Hardcore Nation & Sundissential presents… ‘The Indoor and Outdoor Warehouse Rave Festival’ – The Rainbow Warehouse, Digbeth, Birmingham – 7pm-7am (tenners in)

One for the ravers out there. Whistles round yer necks, grubby trainers laced up and angel wings strapped on as you join 1300 mad-for-its, 60 DJs including Sy, Jumping Jack Frost, Dougal and Brisk mixing up the smash heads soundtrack of hard house, hard trance, hardcore and Drum & Bass. Not for the faint hearted my dears…

DJs vs MCs – Charity Football 2008 (N.S.P.C.C) – University of Northampton
(gates open at noon, balls getting knocked around at three)

Launched back in 2006, your chance to come down and see some of your favourite artists make fools of themselves on the pitch –  all in the name of charity which is always cool. Munch your chops off at an outdoor BBQ, live music and ‘players’ – and I stress that word very f*cking loosely, Hixxy, Styles, Vibes, Joey Riot, Re-Con, Squad E, Scratchmaster Techno, Storm, Marley, Scott B, Enemy and Static. There’s a bouncy castle for the nippers, a well stocked beer tent and er, get this, “an FA approved referee and linesman”. As if that’s going to matter a fig when these disco dudes take to the field after the a night on the clubbing juice… Well worth a trip to one of the worst towns in Britain anyway…

Filthy Jack presents… – The Function Room
Colwyn Bay, Wales (9pm – 3am, a few quid in, probably the same price as a couple of Big Mac’s)

Every week as I trawl through the dancefloors of Britain, Benidorm, South Beach and beyond, I’m going to treat you to a club night that just has to be mentioned to the worldwide stage. Enter Filthy Jack in Colwny Bay then. Now I have been clubbing since the days that Dave Pearce was still in diapers (last year), but Colwyn Bay? Give ’em their dues though, we all have to start somewhere but I am still going to rip the shit out of this one. “Ryan Rizla on the Djambe Drum, an Afterglow Fire Performance, an all night Mediterranean BBQ, no scallywear, no bad attitude” and are we ready for this one, “a free bus from Weatherspoons in Llandudno at 10pm”. You couldn’t make this stuff up. And oh by the way, ‘On A Plate’s Birthday Beach Party’ in Chorley, you escaped by a whisker my man…

Fierce Angel – The Glass Spider, Sunderland

We like Mark Doyle. He created a monster with Hed Kandi and has now really got his teeth into his new uplifting CD and club brand. Expect the best in really good funky house tunes that’ll make your hair stand on end and realise just why, we flirt with beautiful people on the dancefloor. Happiness in the air thanks to a marvelous DJ and his box of records that make us rock…

Mass Recordings at Basement, Eastbourne

What we will strive to do at DMC each week is just not to tell you about the high heels and Dolce on the floors of Ibiza and London as we know the dance music devotees are spread the length and breadth of the disco globe and mostly join us by slipping on our old skool trainers and cracking rave gear – so sometimes we will be visiting the quieter, erm chavier towns and cities that are ripping it up. Pop your clogs and wave your hands in the air to the best in techno, electro, (and admittedly I thought this sound died with a few balding DJs  a few years years ago) tech house with Kieran Bradley, Gordy B and Ryan Harbourne – all Mass Ministry boys plus some very strange DJs called Migzy, Tel P, Mikey Emery and Ben XK. Lads, you ain’t getting onto Global Underground with tags like that. Heard of Deedpoll?