Fed up of Get Loaded and Glastonbury?
Here’s your ticket…
La Tomatina Tomato Fight, Bunol, Spain
Some people really know how to have a good time. This 65 year old festival gets going by people trying to climb up a greased pole trying to get to a piece of ham at the top. Then the fight begins with two trucks full of tommy tomatoes emptied onto the streets as it all starts to get a bit messy. Because this has become such a tourist attraction, many people have to get the bus home as the roads are gridlocked. Imagine some poor Japanese tourist getting on the bus and finding herself sitting next to a guy covered in tomatoes head to toe, and wearing a pair of swimming goggles. But what a laugh admittedly, seeing your old boss across the road and ramming a big Beef Tomato all over his chops.
The Mobile Phone Throwing Festival, Punkaharju, Finland
And I wonder why I have never been to Finland. This is this festival’s ninth year in which part of the festivities see participants throw their mobile phones in four different categories; the ‘Over The Shoulder Throw’, ‘The Freestyle’ where contestants get points for aesthetics and creative choreographics, ‘The Team Battle’ and the ‘Junior’ event. Lawrence University over in the UK hold a similar event, Becca Shorr came last this year whilst over in America Ryan Cauley scooped the trophy in Chicopee. I reckon I could beat this lot after being on hold to BT for five hours.
Wife Carrying Festival, Sonkajaervi, Finland & North America
Finland gets weirder and weirder – and we haven’t finished with them yet. No pun intended. Men are asked to test their ‘metal’ in Finland and across the States in a craze that is somehow sweeping the world. A 253.5m obstacle course lays ahead for husbands who have to carry their wives on their backs. The winner is rewarded with my sort of prize – his wife’s weight in beer. Wondered why comedian Lenny Henry enters every year.
The Water Buffalo Racing Festival, Pattaya, Thailand
I can see these promoters sitting in their office last year. ‘Right, well we’ve done the Full Moon parties, the deep in the jungle parties – even brought big name DJs to Thailand. What we need is something fresh, something that’s going to set the world alight and put us right at the top.’ ‘I know’ says some fresh face to the team, ‘let’s organise a water buffalo festival with loads of competitions, including a fancy dress event for the animals – best costumes wins’. This is the country that brought us the elephant tug n’ war championships.
The Dwarf Festival, Magisalp/Kaserstatt, Germany
Okay, let’s get a grip here. On one hand you have the sheer energy of listening to Sasha or Paul Van Dyk, on the other we have this loony bin of a festival hosted by dwarves. Hey don’t get me wrong here, my dad and girlfriend are right tiny tots. So if you fancy a few days surrounded by mini people and enjoying pinecone drying, an eagle swing, swing bridge racing and exploring caves – this may be a way to make your summer. I on the other hand would rather sit in a fridge eating boiled goat’s nuts washed down with the sweat of Jonathon Ross’s armpit after a game of tennis with Chris Evans.
The Annual Baby Jump, Castrillo, de Murcia.
Four hundred years ago some bright spark came up with the bright idea to ward off the devil by laying a load of babies on the floor, get a load of athletic chaps to dress up as the devil and get them to keep jumping over some bemused and quite traumatised toddlers. Apparently this festival has won a host of awards. How I wish one of the runners would slip just as he reached the nappy fillers.
The Finish Sauna Championships, Heinola
So you bung your 50€ in and then sit in unbearable 100 degrees heat, last man standing wins. The promoters say, “Stamina, a well hydrated body and a streak of madness helps.” Mate, you’re as funny as lockjaw.
