Chris Finke

Heard any good rumours lately?
I heard they were bringing back Saturday morning wrestling to ITV with Rusty Lee at ringside with Kent Walton but couldn’t move the weekly jumble sale out of Bedworth town hall.

What’s the best night out you’ve ever had?
There have been so many I cant single out one in particular. The ones that go on for days are usually the best if you are with the right people and place. Ive got a feeling the best is yet to come…

What’s your favourite club?
UK wise its got to be Atomic Jam in Birmingham-10 years this year. Myself and fellow resident Ade Fenton are going a double mix CD and world tour to celebrate. Still the best techno night in the UK!

What’s your favourite record of all time?
Cant answer that really. Today its probably Beltram’s “Energy Flash” for the “dance music” (yes it’s a cliché but it is that good), the “Minder” theme tune and Jermaine Stewarts “We don’t have to take our clothes off…”. But im weird like that. Nightshift by the Commodores is too good. I Could be here all day.

What record can’t you stand?
IGNITION by R-Kelly. 1) It’s the most annoying song of all time, and 2) he never actually explains what he means when he sings “its just like murder she wrote”. WHAT THE F*CK??!! Get a girlfriend mate. Oh shit you’ve blown that haven’t you.

What record did you loose your virginity to?
It was at a school disco (classy). I Cant remember exactly but “Grease Lightening” from the movie sticks in my head which is pretty apt as it goes. All I remember thinking was I was missing out on the finger buffet. Or was that her?
What was the first record that you bought?
“Green Door” by Shakin’ Stevens. A timeless classic that in need of bootlegging, me thinks. Maybe a mash up with something by Twisted Individual and Tiger Feet By Mud. That would be neat.

What was the last record that you bought?
Charles B “lack of love” re-edit. Nicely done. Name your three biggest influences? Friends & family, early raves/music and 70s sitcoms.

What’s your poison?
Jack Daniels but im really not fussy. If its there and its bad for you get it down ya that what I say. Its known as “Licky Licky” in patois if im not much mistaken.

Who would play you in ‘CHRIS FINKE’ the movie?
Id like it to be a shared part with 3 actors “Casino Royale” style; Leslie Neilson for the gags, Sean Connery in Bond mode for his brilliantly unpolitically correct way with the ladies and the genius who plays Rita’s dad in “Rita, Sue and Bob Too” for those “out on the town” scenes.

What’s your dream?
For Wurz to come out of the closet, and Goodie to be granted unlimited texts. I don’t want much.

How do you escape?
Its all done with smoke and mirrors.

What is your favourite possession?
It sounds shit but it’s my record collection. Actually my record collection sounds shit as well.

What’s your greatest passion other than music?
Food, shopping, crap jokes, all sorts really

What / Who makes you laugh?
Bit of a sad answer but got to say my mates. They are the stupidest bunch if twits ive ever met.We have all known each other for years and things get very wrong sometimes. Never a dull moment!

When was the last time you committed a crime?
I robbed a bank 2 weeks ago in Northampton. I shot 2 cashiers and got flashed by a speed camera escaping, crashed into a pensioner (and drove off) and was drunk and high on PCP. There was some unpleasantness…

What is your life philosophy?
Not into stamp collecting im afraid.

What is the best piece of advice that you have been given?
When it comes to boxing “never bet on the white guy”.

What is in your pockets?
A ripped up betting slip from the recent Henry Cooper fight (DOH!), keys, phone, owl.

If you were an animal what animal would you be and why?

You are having a party whom, dead or alive is on the guest list?
My crew aside, it would have to be the 3 fivers: Brucie, Tarby & Lynchy (the poor mans Ratpack), plus Monkhouse (RIP), Bernie Clifton, Tom O Connor (never a cross word), Jim Morrison, Girls Aloud and the female cast of Hollyoaks (all there to be savaged) and MC for the night would have to be Sir Terry Of Wogan. Music to be provided by the incomparable “Les Alanos” and “Half a Shilling” from Phoenix nights, and of course the late John Peel.

When was the last time that you embarrassed yourself?
Its probably easier to answer when I didn’t to be honest. Ive got the worlds worst case of foot in mouth disease possible. Im absolutely shocking sometimes-I reckon ive got an undiagnosed case of Tourettes. Your questions are c*nting sh*te by the b*stard way, you useless f*ck.

Tell us something that we don’t know about CHRIS FINKE?
I used to be a commercial local radio DJ until I was fired for making one dodgy gag/observation too many on air. Housewives and office workers in East Northants continue to mourn, so im told…That and I am the only
person I know who has actually physically slipped on a banana skin and has witnesses. True. Ben Sims and Chris Finke present SPLIT @ Turnmills, Feb 5th feat: Derrick May, Robert Hood, James Ruskin & Andy Weatherall. Catch Chris and Ben every month on the SPLIT radio show.