Tim Sheridan & Smoking Jo

Heard any good rumours lately?
TS – Jo is the rumour machine fodder. She’s an extremely good looking and succesful black woman so naturally some people really hate that. There’s always a runour about Jo. Me, not really. Don’t deal in rumours. There was a rumour that I was Gay a few years ago. Started by James Lavelle I believe.
Shortarse twat and you can print that. My best mate is Gay and he’s out and about with me a lot. Also I’m dead nice and ace at dancing, and moustachioed and surrounded by birds. So I MUST be a bender then, until I speak I suppose… Frankly, it’s a mistake I wear with pride. I’d be a great puff.
A total cock magnet.
What’s the best night out you’ve ever had?
TS – If I remembered it wouldn’t be good would it? Might be camping with my brother and Dad in Appltreewick in the Dales in 1979. I caught a trout.
SJ – Too many to mention, all of ’88 to ’93 were amazing early days of acid house, parties that were off the wall.
What’s your favourite club?
TS – Back to Basics Leeds. Always. Not so keen on the latest venue but the best music and people no question. Raving on a beach in Ibiza is pretty ace an’ all.
SJ – I’d have to say Space Ibiza terrace, (which is no longer outdoors, boo hoo), to party DC10.
What’s your favourite record of all time?
TS- ‘Underwater’ by Harry Thumann. Decca Records 1979. Sounds like it was made yesterday by someone twenty times more talented than anyone currently working. Proper composers with musical training shit on all of us. 1979 – Kraftwerk were still in their short pants riding racing bikes….This dude was painting electronic audio images of  imaginary sub-marine worlds.
SJ- Got afew but love ‘Pull Up To The Bumper’ – Grace Jones.
What record can’t you stand?
TS – Any folk/diddly irish music, finger in ear, ‘hey nonny no thanks very much’. I played fiddle in an Irish club band as a youngster and still have Danny-Boy-related stress disorder.
SJ – The Birdy Song.
What record did you loose your virginity to?
TS – People have records on? Jesus you lot are posh. The sound of some dogs barking and bins falling over mate.
SJ – I’m still a virgin.
What was the first record that you bought?
TS – A box set of classical rock! The Royal Philarmonic plays Deep Purple and Queen and Led Zep. Loved it. Actually maybe the ‘voices from beyond the grave’ free flexidisc on the cover of ‘THE UNEXPLAINED’ counts? You had to put a penny on it near the centre. God knows why.  I was an Oxfam rifler in my short pants so it was a while before I bought any singles. “O Superman”
or ‘Vienna’  perhaps.
SJ – Diana Ross ‘Upside Down’.
What was the last record that you bought?
TS – A big stack of German Electro/House. Coburn “we interrupt this programme” was the outstanding one on Great Stuff Records from Munchen.
Great indeedy mein herren.
What’s you favourite record shop?
TS – Phonica, Poland Street. Easy to find, just go south from the HMV on Oxford Street. www.phonicarecords.com SJ – See above.
Name your three biggest influences?
TS – Dad, Mum, Gran. If your influences aren’t, you’re in deep shit.
SJ – Kraftwerk, Grace Jones and Star Wars!
What’s your poison?
TS-Laudanum. It’s the gentleman anarchists’ tipple of choice.
SJ- Heirbas, local Ibiza drink, you drink it in shots its lethal!
Who would play you in ‘Smokin Jo and Tim Sheridan’  the movie?
TS – Bob Carolgees and Grace Jones.
SJ – Dare I say Halle Berry and Tom Baker (Dr Who).
What’s your dream?
TS – To live in Ibiza on an old boat. Not too far off that dream….
SJ – To own a nice house in Ibiza, stop work and live a lovely quiet life.
How do you escape?
TS – I use an old technique to organise my mind where you construct an imaginary building and allocate rooms and designs to aid memory. For example at the top of some splendid flying buttresses I have a lovely baroque brass cupola with decorative portholes to remind me to de-scale the shower heads.
My family and friends each have a splendidly appointed room and conservatory to suit their personalities. It’s a great place to go when I’m bored in airports. The bath in my imaginary room is filled with the tears of wannabe DJs, hot and cold, my personal soap is distilled from the fat of little kittens.
My other method of escape is my emergency rocket sub, in case Bond thwarts me again.
What is your favourite possession?
TS – Being taken over by the restless spirit of Keith Moon. I don’t like the ectoplasm though.
SJ – My sanity.
What’s your greatest passion other than music?
TS – wanking.
SJ – Films love em, I really wanted to work in the film business but got sidetracked in 88 and ended up a raver and a DJ instead.
What / Who makes you laugh?
TS – myself and the news but only in a bitter way.
SJ – Tim makes me laugh a lot, he’s a very funny guy also watching people off their faces whilst I’m DJ’ing, can be very amusing.
When was the last time you committed a crime?
TS – Proper one? 1986. I recently walked out of a restaurant without paying but I was protesting at the shit service. It was a Yo Sushi. Sounds like a gag but it isn’t.
SJ – Saturday night – illegal substances!
What is your life philosophy?
TS – “Bothered”. I’ve recently become something of a Nihilist, brought on by birds.
SJ – What you give out you get back, so be nice What is the best piece of advice that you have been given?
TS – By my Dad. “Never eat anything bigger than your head” or possibly “don’t come round here no more you hear?”
SJ – Don’t take your acid before your E.
What is in your pockets?
TS – one of my gonads and some pill powder. Some beastly indistinct Matter also.
SJ – Nothing, I can’t runin the line of my jeans dear!
If you were an animal what animal would you be and why?
TS – An otter. They’re very ungainly and comical on the land but quite quite graceful and deadly in their natural habitat, under the water. And so am I.
SJ – A fish because my memory is so bad.
You are having a party whom, dead or alive is on the guest list?
TS – My idea of a party is a gram of posh and a boatload of porn and me. So I don’t need anyone thanks. I wouldn’t invite Pete Burns to a bonfire, have you seen his mush lately?
SJ – No guest list everyone pays Ha Ha!
When was the last time that you embarrassed yourself?
Every fucking day. I was trying to be witty and urbane last week and leaned on the bar to chat to a lady and went Delboy style right to the floor. I tried to think “what would Richard Burton say?”  “aaaah FUCKSTICKS!!” was my rapier retort.
Tell us something that we don’t know about Smokin Jo and Tim Sheridan?
TS – I have a wooden leg but a real foot. Jo can do every mad dance from the 80’s. I counted 15 separate and distict dances when I challenged her.
Bearing this in mind most people can do 5, tops. She’s very graceful when she tries.
SJ – I’m very claustraphobic.