Spoiler alert – I love Beyoncé – if you can’t stand the mere mention of her name look away now.
Happy Christmas Mrs Carter ! You can thank Santa and his bulging sack for express delivering to you the fastest selling album of 2013, as much commercial kudos and critical acclaim and PR Hatergate (hello Flavorwire) as you can handle and a raft of Itunes stats showing sales at 400,000 in first day … 830,000 copies worldwide in three days … 617,000 of those in the US making Beyoncé the fastest selling album ever in Itunes history. Enjoy basking in the glow of your competition burning white hot with envy as your ‘no dancing bears’ approach to promotion saw the teaser for this release going immediately viral and practically causing a social networks meltdown. The Beyhive drones and internet is still buzzing with adulatory reviews even stars including Lady Gaga, Lily Allen, Demi Lovato have bowed down, most notably Katy Perry who tweeted her ‘stan’miration saying « Don’t talk to me today unless it’s about .@Beyoncé #thanks’ ». Major lessons have been learned from this unexpected stealth level expert. I imagine that industry seminars and models will be cloned from the discrete and deft manner in which Queen Bee’s management machine has handled the sensitive release ‘intel’ and yet harnessed the immense power of every social media network to successfully promote the release without the TV/ Radio/ press merry go round taking over her life. It just took over Google.
That she has managed to piss off the biggest retailers – Target US – who have refused to stock the CD jewel cases in time for Christmas due to the contracted, week long Itunes exclusive is a very big deal. The retail sell through date for the world is set for Dec 21 and will not be changed for anybody even Target.
For ‘Beyoncé’ her fifth studio album you have the master stroke of a collection of 14 new songs and 18 beautifully conceived and styled videos that showcase our diva scaling the heights and digging deep into the vocal vaults that offers a selection box full of deliciously tempting yet ballsy ballads, bitter bitch / hurt me harlot rants and earth mother reflections without losing an ounce of quality or credibility.
The album credits read like a roll call of collaborations with the greats and uber greats of music production, writing, video, fashion, photography, make up and styling. For sure Mr Carter is there at her side – then there’s Sia, Drake, Hype Williams, Jonas Akerlund, Chairlift’s Caroline Polachek, Frank Ocean, newcomer Boots, Lil Internet, Timbaland, Nigerian writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Justin Timberlake, Karen Langley, Destiny’s Child band mates – Kelly Rowland, Michelle Williams, Pierre Debusschere, Dolce and Gabbana, Balmain and even the most famous rock and roll baby in the world, her daughter Blue Ivy. These are the visionaries, voices, friends and family who have been featured either because they are unparralleled in their respecive fields or because they are waiting in the wings being nurtured by Team Beyoncé for future glory.
« Radio say speed it up, I go slower » Yonce
– The Sia penned ‘Pretty Hurts’ drops as a lighters-aloft intro – it’s the sort of strident, schmaltzy stadium thrilling power ballad that Beyoncé will regale crowds with in her lights down, heart stopping intro. Sia slays with the lyric ‘perfection is a disease of a nation … it’s the soul that needs the surgery’ joining TLC’s ‘Unpretty’, Pink’s ’Perfect’ and Christina Aguilera’s ,Beautiful’ in the respect yourself anthems Hall of Fame. In ‘Haunted’ Beyoncé explores the problems of love and celebrity wrapped up in a grimy, trippy traveller rave. The Middle Eastern raga prompted, low slung ghetto ‘Drunk In Love’ with husband ‘where he be till the end’ Jay Z gets graphic about the Carter’s ‘we be all night and everything alright’. All this sex talk does occasionally feel like watching your parents do it then hearing them discuss it later over dinner but ever since Madonna eroticised herself so publicly all those years ago the furry handcuffs have most certainly been off for any female artist not ashamed to admit having diddled her own skittle and liked it. TMI ? Let’s get one thing straight, this is a hip hop soul r n b artist we’re talking about, not Mother Teresa – they’re supposed to get nasty but the plus side is that this is husband and wife nasty takes it out of the courts and into the bedroom or the kitchen or the car between the two consenting adults where it should be. ‘No Angel’ sounds like old Paisley Park or Rick James Minneapolis. Rocket – could be early purple Rain era Prince – with its lush black and white video. And ‘Mine’ – one of the standout pieces amongst standout pieces sets the tableau of a lush slow motion Virgin Mary morphing into a Mary Magdalene centred balletic and almost orgiastic finale. The grief stricken ‘Heaven’ and the 60’s doo wop swing of ‘Superpower’ take Beyoncé underground, exploring the vulnerable realms and the quiet storm of the lower, sexier end of her vocal range.
« I sneezed on the beat and the beat got sicker » Yonce
It’s non stop rewinds and a straight 11/10 for the MIA / Azalea Banks / Ziggy inflected ‘Partition’ track which reflects and rejoices in the age old lady of the night vs wanton lady of the manor dichotomy in a single track which segues from street to chateau without skipping a beat. The styling throughout is exceptional and major props to Bey for featuring the parisian Crazy Horse girls and getting all french spoken ‘oh la la’ on our asses. One liner after one liner drives the ‘Partition’ message home – «Yonce all on his mouth like liquor » is juxtaposed by « 45 minutes to get all dressed up and we ain’t even gonna make it to this club». ‘Jealous’ has Yonce looking regal and ruling ‘if you keep me your promise, i’m keeping mine. From The Observer to Rolling Stone to the Daily Telegraph to Billboard the column inches are rightly dedicated to the tensions and contradictions throughout – ‘Mine’ starts like a softly crooned ballad and ends as a deep, sub-bass driven roller. ‘Stop making a big deal out of the little things let’s get carried away’ – ok well since you put it like that, it would be rude not to.
The rumoured single XO is the pop r n b rabble rouser, custom built for festival main stages and ‘baby love me lights out’ concert encores. Perhaps it’s the sort of thing that Rihanna and Calvin Harris did better but Yonce nails it, strutting around a fair ground with her gurls in jeans, a vest, over bling outsized jewellery, light up minnie mouse ears and ‘love me like XO hand gestures which will undoubtedly become the calling card for Beyhiver’s the world over from hereon in.
There really isn’t a bad track on this album – and like every Beyoncé album so far it gets better with each repeat play. It’s a 32 track, 14 song, 18 videos 145 minutes and 14.99euros VFM masterpiece that pleases in so many ways that it more than merits the investment and is definitely one that I would put on the top of Christmas present and Best Of Lists for 2013. It’s no mean feat making the competition squirm in their Monday morning meeting seats whilst making every lover, lexus, escalade, VIP section, festival, club and party bounce like a garage full of pimped up low riders to Beyoncé’s beat. And remember, just like Julie Andrews said in the Princess Diaries – … ‘A Queen is never late – everyone else is simply early.’ This is her shit. This is Beyoncé’s moment. Bow down bitches.
5 out of 5
Reviewed By Paulette
